I can't really seem to think of one reason why a guy in his late 20's would be watching... let alone reviewing the 1989 romantic comedy Teen Witch, but here we are. I was about 16 when I first saw this film and have fond memories of the pure cheese it gratuitously oozes, so you better believe I picked up a copy at the flea market for 2 bucks when I had the chance. I should be embarrassed to be watching it and emabarrased to own it, but most importantly I should be embarrassed for still being fascinated by it... but I'm not (we all have our priorities!).

Robyn Lively stars as Louise, a frumpy (but we still know she's cute) teen, who just doesn't fit in. Maybe she just sets her sights too high because she's longing to be with the Captain of the football team Brad (Dan Gauthier), he's oh so dreamy! Turns out that on her 16th birthday, Louise inherits powers that are beyond her imagination, and she can now do or get anything she wants (including making herself the most popular girl in school). Of course none of this comes without a price and Louise finds that her conscience gets the best of her. Should she take the easy way out, or should she rightfully earn everything she wants to be her own? Oh moral dilemma! The late great Zelda Rubenstein (Poltergeist) stars as a psychic and guide who helps Louise along the way and the underrated Joshua Miller (who?) stars as Richie, Louise's brother who is hopelessly addicted to sugar and sweets. For gods sakes the film opens with him hiding under her bed eating donuts while she's sleeping? You figure it out, my brain is fried.

Now for the good stuff (if you dare to call it that). The film is full of fantasy montages and musical numbers that are so bad, and so stupid, they need to be seen to be believed. For starters, there are these guys at the school that just break out into these terrible raps, like "I got better things to do, but I stay in school cause I ain't no fool", or something like that. Let's not forget the big "rap-off" entitled "Top That", oh it's a keeper! Then there's a ridiculous musical/dance number in the girls locker room. As Louise glares down the other end of the room a cheerleader proclaims she has the new cheer to end all cheers, and all the remaining squad members break out into a full blown musical number entitled "I Like Boys", here's a sampling for your reading pleasure;

I'm throwing out my doll house
I'm giving up my toys
I realized this morning
I like boys (pause)
I like boys (pause)
I like boys (pause)
I like boys (pause)
I (pause)
Like (pause)
BOYS!!

I kid you not.

The credits list words and music (of the rap songs) by Larry and Tom Weir (I think they played the Lipschitz Bar Mitzvah last week) and the actual rap artists as "The Michael Terry Rappers", once again I kid you not. Wacky? You bet, but like a horrible accident on the side of a highway, you can't turn away, and before you know it, it's all over (like a wonderful dream, or a sweat inducing nightmare). I don't know why I'm so fascinated by this film, but I am. Now excuse me, I need to grab a snack and then watch it again.