The days of the classic teenage sex comedies are long gone (most everyone in hollywood thinks they're too famous to take their clothes off these days), but thanks to the magic of VHS these fond yet dirty memories can live on forever. Unfortunately, some of those memories are best left forgotten, enter Jocks. In a world of classic sex romps from the 80's like Porky's, Revenge of the Nerds, and Spring Break, a film like Jocks has to come along (a bit late in the genre to boot) and fuck everything up for the lot of us. Oh and riddle me this, what the friggin' hell was Christopher Lee doing in this mess?

Who ever thought that revolving a lighthearted, sexy teenage romp around the sport of tennis was a good idea needs to have their head examined by a proctologist (yeah you heard me). Well, they did it, so now we have to suffer through it. We do it all for the hope of seeing some boobies and the chance of a few classy fart jokes. This time around our story concerns the Los Angeles College Tennis Team and their attempt at a championship win. Christopher Lee stars as president White (what the hell was he thinking?) and appears in about 3 scenes that amounts to maybe 10 minutes of screen time, and that's really all you need to know about that so let's move on. The team is a rag tag group (what else would you expect) led by "The Kid" who happens to be a terrible student (he drinks, gets into wrecks, and probably doesn't attend class) and Jeff, the Ivy League rich kid who comes off as Costello to "The Kid's" Abbott. The whole team heads down to Vegas for the big tennis championship and before the ultimate win (come on, like you didn't know that already) get involved in all kinds of shenanigans. Shenanigans that include strip dice poker (more on that later), getting drunk at disco's, fending off transsexuals, and giving the "evil team" the frowning of a lifetime (yes they're all very busy).

Unfortunately Jocks plays off more like a lackluster sequel than an entertaining original. It should have just been named Jocks 2: Back in the Habit and then we could have been done with it. That would have been warning enough for me! I don't think I laughed once during the entire running time of this mess, and Jocks certainly didn't deliver in other departments (I want to see more boobies!!). From the opening tennis montage set to the hit tune "Power Play" we know we're in trouble. Things don't get any better when "The Kid's" car backfires and he exclaims "Holy Bat Smoke!" ("AND CUT! Great job kid, let's move on to the next scene, perfect!"). Somehow, "The Kid" convinces Jeff to bet his tuition check (a whopping 3 grand) at the blackjack table ("When it comes to blackjack, I wrote the book!" he exclaims), wacky hi jinks ensue! "The Kid" also exclaims that he knows what the best part of Vegas is, "No Last Call!!" ("Another great reading kid, let's move on to the next scene, perfect!") What would a sexy teenage tennis movie be without "air tennis racket guitar", and plenty of it! Oh yes my friend, you're in store for a real treat! It gets even better, about an hour into the film we're treated to a game of strip dice poker (whatever that is). At this point we're graciously given a shot of 6 boobies (that's 3 pair!) and that's about it for that (except for a few quick glimpses of a few more boobies "snapshot" style about 5 minutes later during a pointless blackmail scene). Get off on this! Don't forget to look for "that guy" who played Ogre in Revenge of the Nerds as "The Ripper" in a real character stretch, sheesh!

A pale imitation of its predecessors, Jocks would be a "hit the FF button film" to get to the good parts, if only there were any good parts.