Today I sat down with Falcon Video's VHS release of Before I Die. There are days when I wonder if our Head Vampire really likes me at all! I guess you can't win them all. In this case, I have three short stories that didn't win my heart but I did come close to crying a few times.

We open our trio of tales with a writer who's fighting a severe case of block. He finally strikes on a small piece of inspiration and comes out with three stories for his book. He sits down at his computer and they begin to unfold. There are times (this being one of them) when writer's block just may be a sign from God. Be sure to ignore that sign at your own peril!

In the first story, Time for Dessert, we meet a young lady who has one hell of an appetite for men. She's always on the prowl and spends her days picking up men wherever she may find them, ultimately taking them back to her hotel room. Funny, none of them seem to ever leave. By the way, did I mention the creepy guy who stalks our insatiable brunette for the entire length of the film? This guy is four steps away from being a rapist! No matter, I think she can take him and still have room for a little dessert.

In our next tale, Last Resort, a young couple books their honeymoon in a Pocono Mountain resort called Mount Erie Gardens. The strange thing is, when they get there, the place is deserted but their room keys are waiting for them. They can't believe their luck! Except for the occasional murderous ghost that is, it's the perfect place for a honeymoon!

In our last and shortest story of the three, Some One Is Sleeping In My Bed, an escaped mental patient is skulking around a quiet suburban neighborhood on Halloween. First off, the escaped mental patient that stalks around killing trick or treaters and innocent women on this famous holiday has actually been done before. You might have heard of it, it was a alittle movie called Halloween.

Let's start out with the good stuff first. This movie was filmed with a fair amount of competence. Camera use was interesting enough and they managed to do a few neat tricks despite the limitations of the equipment and budget they had. The soundtrack, though typical, also played fairly well. There was a time or two when it overpowered the dialog but not so much that you really missed much.

Unfortunately, the whole of the movie consisted of soft-core pornography that barely had a story to tie itself together. On top of that, it was entirely too long! There wasn't enough of a story to warrant the length of each tale. If they had kept to the basic premise of each story and left out about sixty percent of the poorly inserted sex scenes, it would have been a much better movie.

I really don't have anything against soft core but if that's the way you're going to go with your movie go whole hog and don't bother trying to work a story in there. Whacking material really doesn't need it and you'll save yourself some time in the long run. If you want to try and do a couple of short erotic thrillers, you need to have some sort of coherent story line to back it up. There were some clever story ideas here but in the end they just got lost in the jumble of sheets and lack of meaningful dialogue.