"Trick or Treat... Muthafucka!"

I suppose I can't blame Dimension Films for trying to expand the appeal of its latest Halloween movie by injecting a little ethnic diversity and thrill-of-the-week type plot devices. I mean, who wouldn't want to see veteran urban actors Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks in a scary movie filled with timeless references to the Internet, PDAs and the Osbournes. (Cue Lawrence: "What, was this shot three weeks ago?") Indeed these tactics seem to be effective thus far, with three sold-out shows on opening night at our local theater, with more diverse crowds than would be expected for a horror film nowadays. (Contrast this to Jason X, whose opening night saw theaters filled to less than 10% capacity, and most of those were small children.) But these retooling efforts are ultimately just cheap gimmicks, and despite a few moments of promise the film never really feels like Halloween. (Yes, that's a bad thing.)

Resurrection is basically divided into two films, and at times feels like two entirely separate experiences. The first segment is essentially a mini-film which explains the ending to H2O and sets the stage for Michael Myers' comeback. This sequence is shot fairly well and filled with some genuine moments of tension, and feels akin to certain scenes in Halloween II. Jaime Lee Curtis fulfills her contract by making an appearance here, and so it almost feels like old times again. Almost. The only drawback is that this part of Resurrection attempts to paint Michael Myers as a run-of-the-mill serial killer, which isn't consistent with the themes set forth in the prior movies in the series. Nonetheless, if the movie had ended after the first fifteen minutes, I would have left with a much more favorable impression.

But no, the film continues on for another seventy minutes, desecrating the Halloween name in the process. A group of college students is chosen to spend the night in the Myers' house and conduct an investigation (MTV's Fear, anyone?) as a part of Busta Rhymes' "Dangertainment". Of course, ol Mike ain't havin' none a dat, and comes home to clean house. Literally. The cast is fairly nondescript, ranging from the mildly amusing (Katee Sackhoff) to the very irritating (that dork from American Pie). Though Rhymes is certainly a charismatic character, he comes across as a smarmy fuck here, and I wished for his death through the whole movie. In fact, I wished everyone to die about twenty minutes into the film, which is not the type of feeling you want in a movie of this type. The first two Halloween films were so tense and frightening because Jaime Lee Curtis portrayed a sympathetic character that the audience was pulling for the whole time. So what happens when you toss random dorks and babes that no one cares about in with a killer? You get Jason X.

Resurrection seems to ignore or forget events that occurred in the prior movies, and becomes a cheap, bastardized vision that is neither compelling or acceptable. Continuity? What's that? For instance, you remember when Michael Myers busted up that closet trying to kill Jaime Lee Curtis in the first Halloween? Well, through the magic of the movies, the closet is in pristine condition twenty years later! Not a scratch! In fact, the film even has the gall to attempt a shot-for-shot recreation of the closet scene. Oh, I get it! It's stupid. The film is littered with scenes that piss all over the traditions that the prior films have built, and as you might expect, the result is a mess. Even more offensive is that the Myers' house is now several times larger than it used to be, with a host of bedrooms and sub-basements. And why is this dilapidated old house still standing amidst a street of normal row homes? And how can the high school kids watching the Dangertainment webcast know which rooms are which? ("Look out, he's in the bedroom where he killed his sister!") Ouch, my head hurts.

I felt very angry at certain points during Resurrection, and not just because it sucked. The character of Michael Myers is treated with very little respect, which is downright baffling considering it's a HALLOWEEN film. Particularly troubling is a scene in which Rhymes (dressed as Myers, don't ask) verbally assaults the killer, even going so far as to poke him in the head a few times. Later on we witness Rhymes beating on Myers using martial arts maneuvers he learned watching old kung-fu movies. Huh? Is anyone else offended by this? You just don't fuck with Michael Myers, son. What's more irritating is that supposedly there is a hidden room beneath the Myers' house in which Michael has been living for the last twenty years. Fair enough, but wouldn't Dr. Loomis have found out about this fairly quickly? And how can there be an investigation of the Myers' home without even acknowledging all of his work on the case or even mentioning his name? Toss this all together with a decidedly un-Halloween ending, and you'll rightfully be sick afterwards.

While it's certainly more palatable than many recent mainstream horror films (like Jason X, but that ain't sayin' much), Halloween Resurrection strays from the successful Halloween conventions too often, and winds up feeling like a hodge-podge of different horror staples. Perhaps I would be less harsh if the opening of the film had actually been placed at the end, as that would have made the events feel more coherent and less out of character. As it stands, Halloween Resurrection is another poor movie in a summer that's already saturated with them, and further taints the once-proud Halloween tradition. Don't waste your time on Halloween Resurrection. Go see Men in Black II, at least they've got a singing dog.

Thumbs down.