Poor Donald Pleasance, he must be rolling over in his grave. His name wasn't even MENTIONED in this film! For shame! Let me preface by saying that I really enjoyed H20. The moment when Michael Myers and Laurie meet face to face for the first time in 20 years is true movie magic, plain and simple. Not willing to leave well enough alone with the satisfying 7th installment of the Halloween series, Dimension films found it necessary to present us with an 8th Halloween film, Halloween Resurrection. Bringing back Jaime Lee Curtis (ever so briefly) and Director Rick Rosenthal (Halloween 2), Dimension could have struck cinematic gold. Instead, they wound up with nothing more than another screamy-bopper, self referential, glossed over Hollywood piece of horror-hybrid crap. True fans of the Halloween series will most likely want to leave after the first 10 minutes, while casual fans of the Screams, Urban Legends, and I Know What You Did Last Summer's will probably be in horror heaven. Go figure.

I do not want to fill this review up with spoilers; therefore I'm going to do the best I can to give absolutely nothing away. I may however in the process give a few minor plot points away. Bear this in mind as you read on. If you want to go into the film fresh, turn away now. Otherwise, please proceed with caution.

The bottom line here is that the first 10 minutes of this film rocked. I felt wholly satisfied at this point and was ready to go home. Unfortunately, I stuck around, and wound up wishing I hadn't. The story goes a little something like this. A random group of "young adults" are chosen to spend a night in the old abandoned (and still standing?) Meyer's house. The night's proceedings are to be webcast for the world to witness live on the Internet. Heading this operation dubbed "Dangertainment" (clever huh?) are Freddie (Busta Rhymes) and Nora (I'm only in 2 scenes, cha-ching! Tyra Banks). Needless to say things get a little out of hand when Michael Myers decides to head on home for a visit. What follows is the random slashing and hacking of some inconsequential characters. I don't know who these people were and I didn't really care. I don't even remember their names. One thing I truly cannot believe is that the name Busta Rhymes will forever be associated with the Halloween legacy. This is a true tragedy of cosmic proportions. Did I really have to listen to Busta spout off lines like "He's a killer shark in baggy overalls!" bleech! While I'm at it, what was with those goddamn karate moves Busta? Show Michael some respect! He should've hung you by your own dreads! Damn!

I don't know for whom this film was made, most certainly NOT for true fans of the series. The film is full of so many exaggerations and inaccuracies in relation to the rest of the series; it really just makes little to no sense whatsoever. People unfamiliar with the series probably won't notice, and most certainly won't care, nuts to them. I've decided the easiest way to do this is to go through a list of 5 of the most blatant continuity fuck-ups (when compared to the rest of the series). Just skip to the end of this list if you want to go in fresh (or if you don't want to be bothered).

1 - I seriously doubt that the actual Meyer's house would still be standing (boarded up and decrepit) after 20+ years with other inhabited houses still surrounding it on a residential street in a small town.

2 - The actual house itself is not nearly as big as it's portrayed in the film. The house is actually quite tiny; does ANYBODY remember the house from the first film? It's presented here from the inside, as if it were a freakin' mansion! Unbelievable! Sure I'll forget what the house SHOULD look like and believe it's actually a maze of horror, why not? Whatever! They do what they want.

3 - The kids in this film (not even born when the original Halloween's took place) are just too knowledgeable about the whole "history" of the murders. They know all about Michael, and how he killed his sister. One kid actually describes the exact scene; "She was topless, brushing her hair at the mirror as Michael watched etc. etc." (while another young girl is recreating the scene, yeeesh!) How the hell does he know this? Another genius can pinpoint Michael's bedroom from the webcast. How the hell does this prick know which room was Michael's? Especially if he's never seen the inside of the house before!

4 - The closet that Laurie hid in and Michael bashed to pieces to get to her in the first film has been miraculously restored. Just in time for them to re-create the exact same scene with another hapless victim. Whatever!

5 - Michael is NOT a serial killer. I repeat NOT A SERIAL KILLER. He's not Jason Vorhees just randomly slicing and dicing his way through teenagers to avenge his mother's death. Michael is after his sister Laurie (and her children), and will let nothing stand in his way. Once Michael "kills" his sister, his motivation for murder should be quenched, and he should finally be at peace. End of story people, this is the true motivation behind the Halloween series. Also, where was Laurie's son from part 7?

BONUS FUCK UP - If this thing was being broadcasted on the Internet and the KIDS watching knew these people were really being murdered, don't you think the cops would have shown up ASAP? The whole thing is taking place at the freakin' Meyer's residence for godsakes! This IS the home of the one and only mass murderer in Haddonfield. People are being slaughtered on a live webcast and the authorities are nowhere to be found? Yeah, that makes perfect sense! Somebody write these people a check, this is brilliant!

The problem with Halloween Resurrection is that it THINKS it's following in its predecessor's footsteps in the proper fashion when in actuality this is the farthest thing from the truth. The film is an embarrassment beyond the first ten minutes. Halloween Resurrection strays so far from the familiar conventions that made the series what it is today it technically isn't even a Halloween film except in name only. Resurrection does NOT feel like a Halloween film, it didn't even feel like the film was taking place on Halloween! I really could go on for hours about this but I'd be giving too much away (as if I haven't already), so I'll just stop there.

I really can't imagine any fan of this series being satisfied with this piece of celluloid dreck. The violence is "safe" with mostly a stabbing here and an impaling there (which is normally fine, but man o man at least give me something!) and scares are pretty much nonexistent (give me SOMETHING here too!). There are a few good Michael Meyer "reveals" if you will, but other than that, there's really nothing going on here. Top things off with a very uncomfortable nude scene (2 boobies) and you've got Halloween Resurrection wrapped up in a neat little package. Hey kids, here's an idea, JUST LEAVE THE HOUSE! Don't stick around looking for more clues, get the fuck out of dodge! I'm sure this movie was made for SOMEONE, I'm just not sure whom.

Thumbs Way Down. Shame on You!