Jason X sucked...is that immature enough for ya? OK, allow me to elaborate in a more intellectual manner...Jason X sucked harder than a three dollar whore on payday. Better?

The story opens in the not too distant future in which an unsuccessful transport sets Jason Vorhees on a mini killing spree (insert David Cronenberg cameo here). Jason's murderous plans are soon foiled by a hot chick, (insert Jessica Alba lookalike here) neato!. So anyways, they're both frozen in time, (Jason and the hot chick that is), are ya with me so far? Flash-forward even further into the future in which a group of students and their teacher discover the frozen bodies, (and a reference to hockey being outlawed, cue audience, BOOOOOO!!) and thaw them out. Do I need to tell you what happens next? So far, this is an opening we've seen countless times in the history of slasher sequels, but i'm still open minded at this point, which doesn't last too long.

What follows is an extended game of cat and mouse between Jason, some extremely hot chicks and a few expendable token guys (but what did you expect?). As usual Kane Hodder provides us with a bulky and menacing Jason and we're even treated to evil getting an upgrade (whatever THAT means). There's even a scene early on in which Jason gets to feel one of the hot chicks up as he's attempting to kill her, you don't get to see that every day!

Look, I'm gonna level with you. Nobody goes into a Jason movie looking for the next Citizen Kane. Entering into a Friday the 13th film is kind of like a contractual agreement. I pay my 8 bucks, and I expect to see some shit hit the fan, plain and simple. I go in, I leave, I get what I want and I'm a happy man. With Jason X, New Line continues their trend of not holding up to their end of the bargain. Let's start from the beginning. I didn't know and still don't know who any of these characters are in the film. If they had names, I don't know what they are. I didn't care about them and couldn't wait to see them die. I was most upset when Jason got hurt (I wanted to see him kick each of their asses), he's just a misunderstood genius anyway, right? OK, so I hate the characters, let's see, what else. The script was just plain stupid. These characters had to spit out some of the dumbest lines in motion picture history ... ever (some guy gets impaled on a giant drill, we hear "he's screwed!")! OK, so where do we stand; bad characters, bad dialogue, did I mention the horrible acting? OK, OK, but we go into a Jason film looking for the obvious, 90 minutes of Jason slicing and dicing his way through obnoxious teenagers, did we even get that? Well, not really, I mean aside from a few opening kills, Jason X was really light on the gore, however there were plenty of explosions (and hot chicks). Which brings me to another point, when there was an explosion, I couldn't tell where people were in relation to it, so I had no idea who was in danger, whatever. Did I mention the hot chicks?

The lights came on and the end credits began to roll...and the public has spoken with a unanimous BOOOOOOOO!!!! Right on!!

Bottom line is this. Jason X doesn't even work as a good bad movie, It's just plain terrible. Unless you're gonna go in to this experience to verbally rip this film a new asshole like I did, just don't bother. Jason X? Jason X? it's more like Jason Why? Well, at least there were hot chicks. Oh and we did see a trailer for Halloween : Ressurection which made me almost cream my pants, almost. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, I am a glutton for punishment. 'Nuff said!

Thumbs down. But thumbs up to the hot chicks!