Well, folks, I'm back! After a brief vacation where I spent most of my time trying to chase several plagues out of my computer and praying that I wouldn't lose my entire hard drive. After this long of a break, you can imagine my trepidation when my first review back turned out to be Witches of Sappho Salon by Seduction Cinema. Now, don't get me wrong, I like lesbian witches that run around in very little clothing and styled hair as much as the next girl. Let's just say I wasn't expecting a cinematic masterpiece. Let's also add that since I wasn't expecting a cinematic masterpiece, that I wasn't all that disappointed when I didn't get it.

The story line (a laughable notion in retrospect) is a simple one. Three witches must find a virgin every thirty years so that they can perform an age-old ritual to Satan. The purpose of this ritual is to ensure that the witches in question will retain their beauty for another thirty years. I think the fact that you can get a good thirty years out of one virgin is a very good deal. I hate those rituals that are only good for a year or two. It's just not worth the hassle after a while. Anyway, the witches figure that they'd open a very trendy salon in New York. Virgins are apparently attracted to them. So begins our seventy-eight minute long journey to find the perfect virgin. This is no easy task mind you. It has to be a very special virgin. He or she must have been born on a certain day and at a certain time. Did I mention that the planets had to be lined up special as well? Who writes this shit?

Do I have to say that I wasn't crazy about this movie? This type of movie in general tends to annoy me. It's the kind of movie that features adolescent erotica that appeals to the thirteen year old pervert in all of us. Sure there are lots of girls running around in their underwear and less (I can't complain too much about that) but no real storyline to speak of. One point in particular: only in juvenile day dreams do women run to the bathroom, strip down, and masturbate in front of a mirror because they're pleased with their new hair style. This is the kind of movie you get when a group of undersexed men sit in the lead geek's mother's basement and discuss what lesbians would be like if the world were a perfect place. It's an insult to the audience and to women.

Now I'm not saying that I'm against a movie that's only purpose is to aid someone through a lonely Saturday night but what I am saying is that if you are going to put the time, money, and effort into making a seductive erotic movie, make a seductive erotic movie. Instead what I got was dialogue that was dry and forced (very sexy) coupled with uninspired play-acting.

Audio is presented in Dolby Digital Stereo and sound was pretty stable throughout the whole film but the soundtrack left a lot to be desired. I've heard eighty's porn soundtracks that added more atmosphere to their scenes. In some parts the soundtrack was actually quite jarring.

The special features on this disc include: Behind the scenes, trailers, and a bonus feature film The Witching (1993). The behind the scenes is split up into two sections. The first is supposed to be about the sets and the makeup but all it really shows is the make up tech applying eye shadow (with no explanation of technique) and a couple of guys on ladders hanging what looks look like trash bags on the front of a building. The second section is about the shooting and shows some of the actors posing in front of a camera. If you're interested in what kind of lenses or techniques got used for the shooting of these scenes, you're in for a big disappointment. The bonus film The Witching was a hell of a lot more fun to watch than the rest of the disc. It tells the story of a teen-age boy who reads a passage out of a book of witchcraft and ends up with a hallway in his refrigerator. It's worth a look to see where the hallway leads.

There was very little I could say I liked about this movie. If you're renting or buying this with only the lonely Saturday night intention in mind, I say go for it. If you're looking for something that will fill your lonely Saturday night with something that provides a little more substance and thought, I'd give it a pass. There's much better out there in this genre to choose from.