Needless to say, I passed on the opportunity of a screening upon Van Helsing's initial theatrical release. I didn't read any reviews or watch any HBO Behind-The-Scenes segments (nor did I watch any MTV guest appearances), yet I felt as if I had the film pinned, just from the theatrical and television trailers. My thoughts were that this film was NOT made for the die hard horror fan, or even the semi-interested horror explorer who ventures forth to the multiplex on occasion for a good scare. I predicted that this film was made for children. Children who have short attention spans, who would NEVER watch a B&W film (and love the school of MTV style filmmaking). Children who know that Dracula, Frankenstein and The Wolfman exist, but have never seen any of the original films (or read any of the books) that these creatures are based on. I felt as if those behind Van Helsing were blatantly telling me these things, simply based on the trailers and promotional materials, and that's all I really needed to know. Now that Van Helsing has been released to DVD, I come to find that I am only partially right in my assumption, as I'd be surprised to find that this crap could even keep busy the easiest to entertain of children. In the end, it truly is that bad a cinematic experience.

It's a shame really, as things start out interestingly enough with a B&W prologue in which we learn that Dracula and Dr. Frankenstein have been working together (whatever). The B&W is the interesting thing, not the privately funded program Dracula has Dr. Frankenstein tied up in. Anyway, moving along, Dr. Frankenstein can't seem to make any friends (Igor even takes Dracula's side, because he pays him, huh?), and then there's an accident at the old windmill (a scene that looks cool, but boils down to another missed opportunity). Flash forward one year later, and we are now blessed with the advent of color (why the passage of a year prompts a shift from B&W to color is beyond me). We're introduced to Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman), kind of an Indiana Jones / Batman hybrid who roams the world trying to rid it of monsters, creatures and ghouls (oh my!). As we are introduced to Van Helsing, he's about to enter into a brawl with Mr. Hyde, the evil alter ego of Dr. Jekyll. Soon after, Van Helsing crosses paths with Anna Valerious (Kate Beckinsale) a woman who's family has a sordid history with Dracula, and the soon to be cause of nearly all of Van Helsing's future troubles.

Let's see, what do we have here. Aside from the poor performances, weak story and inane dialogue (along with the inane accents along with it), Van Helsing suffers from a certain kind of blandness you wouldn't necessarily expect from such a flashy (and obviously expensive) production...or would you? Let's set one thing straight from the start; The sets, landscapes and matte paintings all look good, every background is a unique visual treat, unfortunately, this is also the high point of a nearly 2.5 hour long exercise in excessiveness. There is so much 'action' in this film, your eyeballs will be on overload. The problem is, the action set pieces are quite often too long, and ultimately boring. Not to mention that most, if not all of the CGI work is un involving and more importantly, unconvincing. We've got pretty backdrops, and little else.

So let's talk about that sequence early on in the film, in which Van Helsing dukes it out with an all CGI Mr. Hyde. Aside from the fact that it doesn't even look like the two of them are in the same room (despite the fact that it's dark enough for the CGI to have possibly worked) Mr. Hyde is even less convincing a real character than Shrek, which is easily who he somehow resembles (remember that Shrek is s'posed to look like a cartoon character). Even more troubling are some of the perspectives to be found in the bonus features included on the disc, in which the creative crew discuss this scene as if it were a technological breakthrough. They practically proclaim that they had created "one of the most lifelike, realistic computer generated characters to date." It doesn't stop there though, the crew and creative team can't stop beaming about their work to the point where it's almost as if we're watching their 6 year old daughter at her first tap dance recital (have you ever been to one of these?), a place I think I would have rather been, actually.

Van Helsing is a film that was created more out of one's love of a character being an icon, than that of an actual living, breathing entity. This film is full of cardboard cut outs of some of the most respected and revered horror characters ever created, and that is a real shame, as not a one is given the characterization or respect that they deserve. The potential was lost about twenty minutes in, and once the film took on the guise of a Universal Studios ride/stunt show (no rules here folks, anything can happen in this world), there was certainly no hope. Even scenes that are meant to be erratic seem too controlled...there's no suspense, no danger, and no characters to care about. There are only loud crashes, flashing colors, and a CGI'd 'one of just about everything.'

Audio and video presentation is fine, just as one would expect for a recent big studio production. The 16X9 image looks good, with nary a spot or spec and colors seem to be acurately represented. While the 5.1 Dolby Digital sound is far from reference quality, it never once lets you forget how unnecessarily loud and obnoxious this film really is, not even for a minute.

Extras include trailers for Van Helsing and other Universal properties, including a playable demo for your XBOX of the Van Helsing video game (surprise, surprise). Also included are two audio commentaries, not even worth discussing and a few behind the scenes / making of pieces, including a wacky blooper reel (you have been warned). There's also a 'kind of' neat feature called 'You are in the Movie' in which you get to experience the making of the film from tiny cameras strategically placed throughout certain scenes. You can also access behind the scenes features throughout the film as well through this option. Finally, there is some unspecified DVD Rom content I didn't even bother with, and an interactive feature called 'Explore Dracula's Castle' in which you can click on certain windows and doors to the castle to learn more (or something like that). None of the special features are anamorphically enhanced, something else I just don't understand either. Blah.