Harry Novak’s Boxoffice International Pictures was a major player in the world of 60’s and 70’s exploitation, distributing low brow films like the redneck nudie Country Cuzzins (1970), the space-age skin flick Wham-Bam Thank You, Spaceman (1975), and horror offerings such as Axe (1977). Something Weird Video has released many of Novak’s presentations on Special Edition DVDs, including this toy-themed double header of sexual extremes. The Toy Box and Toys Are Not for Children, while sharing the same subject matter, explore two completely different faces of sex.

“Happy Uncle!”

The man known only as Uncle is a voyeur extraordinaire, and when he invites you to one of his infamous mansion parties you better have your act together. While downstairs the parties may be nothing more than an orgy, its Uncle’s upstairs quarters where you’ll have the chance to strike it rich. Every half hour Uncle summons another couple, so they can perform a rehearsed sexual “trick” for his review. If their elaborate production meets Uncle’s approval, they’re rewarded with a prize from his mysterious toy box.

Donna (Ann Meyers) was an innocent girl before she met Ralph (Evan Steele), who quickly taught her how to make money at Uncle’s parties. However, when the couple arrives at this gathering things seem to be a bit different. Rumor has it that Uncle is actually dead, although no one knows for sure since he has a great reputation as a prankster. As all of the guests know, when dealing with Uncle nothing is as it seems. Therefore, when guests start showing up dead, no one really knows how to react. Donna and Ralph certainly think the danger is real, and they’re intent on letting everyone know the truth. It’s just too bad that no one is willing to take their head out of their partner’s crotch long enough to heed the warning.

Written and directed by Ron Garcia, whose credits include cinematographer for Twin Peaks, The Toy Box is a surreal skin flick, mixed with supernatural horror and outrageous sci-fi elements. While much of the running time is taken up by curvaceous beauties in simulated sex acts, the schizophrenic nature of the film never allows you to comprehend what’s real and what isn’t. When a severed head appears out of thin air, you’ll be just as confused as the party guests.

The entire movie feels like a hallucination, flooded with color and smoke. Red and blue lighting are used to great effect, resulting in scenes that look like a naked adaptation of Dario Argento’s Suspiria. Adding to the dreamlike atmosphere are the creative and varied sexual “tricks.” These include a couple in the back of a van at a staged drive-in, a murdering butcher that literally loves his work, and the unbelievably curvaceous Uschi Digard in a naked rendezvous with a possessed bed.

The story, while definitely bogged down by all the softcore simu-humping, is delightfully ridiculous and it’s conveyed with dubbing that’s worse than any chop-socky flick. For a good deal of the dialogue the actors don’t even bother to move their mouth. The silly script is full of absurd lines, including some of the funniest bed-speak ever recorded. “My eyes are on fire!” Yeah, it’s all quite hilarious, and when the truth starts to reveal itself you may not believe the absurdity of it all.

The Toy Box is a unique genre clash, loaded with vibrant colors and attractive women. Fans of the bizarre, and the naked, will surely enjoy this hallucinogenic trip through nudie world.

“Daddy…oh Daddy!”

Now that we’ve been up to our ears in gloriously goofy skin, the folks at Something Weird throw us a curveball to make damn sure we pay for our excesses. Toys Are Not for Children is a sobering tale of child abuse, incest, divorce, and sexual paranoia that’s sure to take that grin off your face.

Jamie Godard’s (Marcia Forbes) childhood wasn’t exactly normal. After years of endless arguing, her father deserted the family, leaving her to grow up with her psychopathic mother Edna (Fran Warren). Constantly assaulted with her mother’s hateful tirades that all men are worthless and that her father only loves whores, Jamie learns to be scared of men, and sex in general. Since he left, the only contact Jamie’s had with her father has been the birthday presents he sends to the house every year.

Now turning twenty, her father still sends toys and dolls as if she was still the young girl that he left behind. Desperately lonely and heart broken, Jamie becomes emotionally attached to her toys, using them as a lifeless substitute for her father’s missing guidance and love. After years of mental abuse, Jamie displaces her love and begins to lust for her toys. They become a tool to fantasize sexually about her daddy, the only man she wants to be near.

After getting a job at the local toy store, Jamie meets Charlie (Harlan Cary Poe), the man that soon becomes her husband. It’s only after their union that Charlie discovers Jamie’s abnormal fear of engaging in any physical contact with him. This soon turns the marriage sour, and Charlie begins to constantly yell at Jamie. As a result Jamie further withdraws into her shell, soon moving in with her friend Pearl Valdi (Evelyn Kingsley), a prostitute that has actually spent nights with her father.

Having always been told that whores are the thing her father loves most, Jamie soon decides to follow Pearl’s career path. She begins to book clients, lovingly referring to each of the men as Daddy. All the while, Jamie hopes that her new job will someday bring her closer to her long lost father.

Directed by Stanley H. Brasloff, Toys Are Not for Children is a disturbing look into the mind of a mentally unhealthy young woman. Flashbacks to Jamie’s traumatic youth are effectively used to illustrate the roots of her suffering. This is both Marcia Forbe’s and Fran Warren’s only credited roles, yet they’re both completely believable in their performances. The subject matter is handled respectfully, while pulling no punches in its realism. The result is a somber film that keeps you in its grasp as it meanders towards a seemingly inevitable tragic ending.

Anyone that’s seen a Something Weird DVD knows that the movies are only the beginning. Extras include trailers for both features, and let me tell you the utter verbosity of The Toy Box trailer is mind boggling, “…sucking diabolical syndromes of depraved eroticism from the undulating pit of orgiastic consummation.” That’s classic exploitation salesmanship. Other sex-crazed trailers include Ann and Eve, The Depraved, The Exquisite Cadaver, Labyrinth of Sex, The Naked Countess, Sextet, The Single Girls, and Tales of the Bizarre. We also get a fantastic Harry Novak poster gallery, with a musical sampling of the sounds of his productions.

Two short features continue the toy theme; the first being The Christmas Eves, a dull clip from the 30’s that shows us Santa’s sexiest elves opening their gifts on December 25th. The second short is The Toy Telephone Truck, a 50’s educational film that teaches us how toys get from the factory, to the store, and eventually to our homes. It’s pretty silly, but its fun viewing and serves as living proof that at one time American companies actually manufactured products in America. What an amazing idea that was.

The picture and sound quality for each of the films is commendable. Some scenes of The Toy Box do show damage, but overall it’s an amazing transfer, with incredibly bright colors and deep blacks that play a unique importance to the look of this bizarrely photographed movie. Toys Are Not for Children, in its original 1.85:1 screen ratio, doesn’t look nearly as good, but it’s more than acceptable considering the absolute rarity of the film.

If I had to pick one fault with Something Weird Video as a whole, it’s that they’re often unable to resist giving the whole story away on the back of the DVD. These movies are much more fun for the uninitiated viewer, yet the box goes on to spoil all of their secrets. Read at your own risk.

Still, that’s a mighty small complaint, and Something Weird has delivered another big winner with this collection of toy inspired lunacy. While the films are related in content, they couldn’t be more different in tone. Both are compelling in their own regard, making this DVD a highly recommended remedy to relieve that 70’s exploitation itch.