Directed by the same man responsible for Troma's "Class of Nuke 'Em High," this early '80's slasher film is a tedious exercise in "smart ass" exploitation. And what exactly is "smart ass" exploitation one might ask? Not to be mistaken for clever (or anything remotely smart), this trying subgenre was found primarily in '80's grindhouse programmers. While their basic set-up was not unlike the typical fair at the time: thin plot, violent set-pieces and bad acting, the "smart ass" entertainments contained an uneasy mix of lazy comedy and excruciating non-dialogue. Films such as "Sleepaway Camp," "Blood Sucking Freaks," and "Mother's Day" (to name just a few) were far more offensive than their bloody counterparts. Contemptuous of their audience and the genre itself, the filmmakers attempted to distance themselves from the material by throwing in inappropriate humor, much of it lazy self-reflection and sight gags. The dialogue in these films is often difficult to endure; drama is created by simply making a character abrasive. Entire scenes of unpleasant people yelling at each other over the mundane and inconsequential might work in a John Waters film, but in horror movie context it's deadly. (No pun intended.) Not to be confused with the horror/comedy (see "Return of the Living Dead") or the horror/black comedy (see "Re-Animator), the "smart ass" films during the Reagan administration managed to be both boring and startlingly annoying. Early Troma films in particular (or any film with a Lloyd Kaufman credit) are guilty of this kind of fair - though Kaufman and Co. quickly found a more assured voice in stylized comic book entertainments. The "Toxic Avenger" and "Nuke 'Em" films might not be any good, but they do share a manic, consistent tone and possess an honest desire to please their audience. True "smart ass" films such as "Sleepaway" and even "Friday the 13th Part 5" are ugly, cynical works that are transparent in their contempt of youth culture and, in effect, their intended audience.

Though technically not a Troma release, "Splatter University" might as well be; Kaufman even gets a "creative consultant" credit here. It begins with the close-up of two ugly male feet, one bare, one in a sneaker. A knife falls into frame and is promptly picked up by the figure. Text soon appears reading: "Two Forty Three P.M. William Grayhan, paranoid schizophrenic, is discovered missing." Two doctors (or orderlies) wander around the dilapidated surroundings, apparently some kind of psychiatric clinic, looking for said schizo. One of the doctors opens the wrong door and is stabbed in the crotch by schizo - who steals his uniform. Cut to: "St. Trinian's College, three years later" where a female professor is promptly stabbed in her breast. The film jumps ahead again, this time "Next semester, yesterday." This snarky text is the best of the "comedy" in the film, (or rather the best of what could be argued as intentional). There is no establishing shot, just exteriors of what appears to be some kind of community college. The DVD copy describes St. Trinian's as an Ivy League University, a concept that truly is funny given the skid row surroundings and the smallish student body of white trash delinquents. Funnier still is the vague concept that it is somehow a private Catholic(?) institution. The first community college of it's kind!

New teacher Julie Parker (Francine Forbes) arrives on this day of "yesterday" to take the place of the murdered professor. She meets with the wheelchair bound principal, Father Janson (Dick Biel), who tells her about the murder only after she's accepted the position. There's much needless exposition before the anticipated splatter begins; Julie has an annoying landlady, one of her delinquent students is pregnant and a fellow professor (who smells of red herring) has romantic designs on her. Eventually, this being a slasher film, the psychopath (or schizo) shows up and begins butchering random victims. For a film with "splatter" in the title, the actual onscreen violence is rather tame and wholly unconvincing. Granted, this Elite DVD is the "R" version (evidently an unrated cut runs a whole minute longer), but the effects work on display is so shoddy that any editing could only work in its favor. There's also a surprising lack of nudity and/or sex for a film of this genre. Purists be warned! Writers Michael Cunningham, Richard W. Haines (who also directed) and John Michaels manage to shoehorn a non-mystery into the proceedings, so the last half of the drama involves Julie's attempt at solving the murders. The killer's identity is obvious from the beginning, creating no suspense (or interest) in her detective work. And the climax is so unbelievably contrived that it doesn't even work under the slight pretense of satire.

It could be argued that any film titled "Splatter University" is simply a goof and should be appreciated as such. But applying the word "goof" to such incompetent mediocrity is giving it far too much credit. There have been perfectly competent goofs of this nature; the original "Slumber Party Massacre" (made two years' prior) managed to be both a clever satire and an intense little slasher. It was just as "splattery" as this film, had a plethora of nudity and still managed to sneak in a little feminism. Director Haines would go on to helm the first "Nuke 'Em" adventure a year later; a fine exercise in goofy extremism. "Splatter" was his first film and his inexperience shows in every frame. However, he's not helped much by the inept cinematography of Jim Grib and the ponderous electronic score by Christopher Burke. The one positive aspect of "Splatter," is the strong performance by Forbes as the plucky protagonist. In spite of the ridiculous dialogue imposed upon her, Forbes does the near impossible by turning in a competent, even winning performance. She's the one grounded aspect of this production and makes the uninspired proceedings at least tolerable.

This Elite DVD is a bare bones release save for two theatrical trailers. The trailers are actually effective and manage to make the film (called "Splatter U" in one instance) look marginally interesting. The film itself is presented in its original aspect ratio but is technically uneven. The print contains considerable grain in certain scenes. It looks as if parts of the film were shot with different film stocks, not surprising given its small budget. The sound is a mono mix and perfectly fine given the quality of the film itself.

Given the title and the people behind the production, gore fans will be extremely disappointed by the lack of viscera onscreen. However aficionados of "smart ass" cinema will certainly want to give it a look. Anybody who actually owns a copy of "Sleepaway Camp" will no doubt relish this fitting bookend in contemptuous sleaze.