Ever thought about what kind of film David Lynch would have made if his career had peaked in the mid-'60s? You haven't? Well, tough shit - you have now. I'd like to offer up legendary B-movie director Jack Hill's feature directing debut, given the special-ed DVD treatment by Image and cult-film guru Johnny Legend, as one such film. Thanks to Hill's recent unearthing of the original negative for this "lost" cult classic (originally titled "Cannibal Orgy"), you too may learn what's the big deal - or that I don't know what the damn I'm talking about.

The fairly simple plot involves the last branch of the mega-twisted Merrye family tree - comprised of Virginia (Jill Banner), her sister Elizabeth (Beverly Washburn) and their superfreak older brother Ralph (Sid Haig, a Jack Hill staple). Cared for by their kindly chauffeur Bruno (Lon Chaney, Jr., in arguably his greatest role - more on that later), these teens are slowly falling victim to the Merrye Syndrome, a form of brain-rot (apparently caused by inbreeding) that kicks in around puberty and causes the sufferer to slide slowly back into infancy, then into a savage, animal state. Hence, the older a Merrye gets, the greater his tendency to run around jibbering like an idiot, killing and eating passers-by.

One such unfortunate soul is mail courier Mantan Moreland (the "feets, do yer stuff" guy from the old Charlie Chan films). An ill-fated visit to the Merrye house results in his unwilling participation in a deadly game of "Spider" orchestrated by Virginia. Turns out he was delivering a letter announcing the arrival of two distant relatives and their sleazebag lawyer, eager to divest the Merrye clan of their fortune.

As the vultures descend, we discover they're not all bad folks - Uncle Peter (Quinn Redeker) is actually quite taken with the krazy kids, even though his sister Emily (statuesque Carol Ohmart) is disgusted by their surreal eating habits. Just don't put your money on outrageously sleazy lawyer Schlocker (Karl Schanzer) making it to the end credits. There's even a spark of love interest between Peter and Shlocker's cute secretary Ann (Mary Mitchell).

After a healthy organic meal of mushrooms, crabgrass, deep-fried worms and free-range roasted cat, the madness really kicks in - running the gamut of upside-down voyeurism, failed taxidermy, pitchfork impalement, bondage games, rape (implied), dismemberment (not implied), crucified Raggedy Ann dolls, trained tarantulas, Ralph's horrifying Buster Brown suit, and a climactic visit from heretofore unseen Uncle Ned. Sure, horror fans may have seen far more perverse stuff, but the fact this was shot in 1963 makes the whole undertaking supremely freaky.

Elevating Spider Baby above other seedy drive-in fare are superb turns by the leads. Chaney is called upon to deliver more dialogue here than the sum total of all his horror parts, and he's clearly savoring the moment. (Sadly, he was deep in the bottle by this point in his life, but was so taken with his role that he managed to stay on the wagon for the entire 12-day shoot, allowing himself only a glass of beer each day for stability.) Banner, Washburn and Haig all bring individual acting styles to their characters, fleshing them out with sensitivity - you genuinely feel sorry for them - and making them far more than just wacky, knife-wielding psychos. Banner came aboard with no acting experience whatsoever, but reveals an instinctive knack for improvisation and body movement - although the realization that she was underage makes Virginia's sexed-up game of "Spider" with Uncle Peter a bit ooky.

Until Hill's recovery of the original negative, most curious viewers were first exposed to Spider Baby through ass-awful ninth generation copies that resembled light gray figures capering across a dark gray landscape, farting through kazoos. Needless to say, any kind of clarity would be a vast improvement. What we get on Image's DVD, therefore, is nothing short of miraculous.

Admittedly, the film itself is riddled with glitches of its own - print errors often blur portions of the frame; there's the odd rough splice and some traces of exposure flare where the film ran off the spool (many of which the penny-strangling filmmakers were forced to use in their final cut); and some scenes are slightly over- or underexposed - but fans of Spider Baby number these minor flaws among the film's nutty charms. Hill himself was apparently surprised by the visual clarity, as evidenced by his comments on Sid Haig's previously unseen flow of drool during the dinner scene. Now, can you honestly tell me you aren't a better person for knowing that?

Image presents the film in its original 1.66:1 aspect ratio (as they did with the prior VHS and laserdisc versions), with a remarkably clean Dolby Mono soundtrack, giving suitable heft to Chaney's beefy voice and Ronald Stein's bouncy but menacing score - which features Chaney himself croaking out the words to the title theme! This one-of-a-kind ditty (recently covered by Fantomas) sounds sorta like a tip of the hat to Boris Pickett's "Monster Mash," but actually contains references to scenes and dialogue from the film.

The DVD is rounded out with some nice extras, including a fantastic commentary from Hill that's jam-packed with great anecdotes and trivia. Example: Jill Banner, who died tragically in 1981, had once dated Marlon Brando! Also included is an extended version of a scene (presented full- frame for some reason) that was deleted from the distributor's answer print, and Legend's live coverage of the film's triumphant 30th Anniversary revival at L.A.'s NuArt theater.

If nothing else, this trashy treat is worth seeing for Lon Chaney's most sensitive horror role, Sid Haig's inspired performance (you rock, Ralph!) and that rump- shakin' theme song: "...This Cannibal Orgy is strange to behold... and the maddest story ever told!"