Deep in the African jungle there sits a lonely island in the middle of the great river. A perfect place to set up a lodge, surrounded by the untamed wildlife, and charge suckers - I mean, tourists a ton of money for a real safari adventure. That would be a great idea, except the isle in question is a land of unrelenting slithering horror - SNAKE ISLAND!

A boat full of tourists makes its lazy way down the river, as the guests gawk at the African wildlife doing their thing in their natural habitats. One of the passengers is noted novelist Malcolm, here to research his latest work of fiction. Therefore, the boat is making a quick stopover at SNAKE ISLAND, a hunting lodge run by snake skinner Eddie and his partners. They're just about to open their lodge to the public - the previous owners mysteriously vanished, but Eddie is confident he'll make it big. But when Captain Jake moors the boat at the island, there is no one to meet them. As the tourists wait on the boat, Eddie, Jake and mate Righteous hump supplies to the lodge; however, they find the compound deserted. Back at the dock, a lonely snake drops in the tour group, causing all sorts of panic and resulting in Malcolm accidentally smashing the boat's gas tank. And without gas, they're all stuck on the island. So off the gang goes to the lodge, where Eddie has discovered the radio is on the blink. The guests booze it up while Eddie and the boat crew search some more amid the inordinate amount of snakes lurking about. A spitting cobra surprises Jake and Malcolm, but a quick shot by Eddie saves them. In the last cabin, Righteous finds the remains of one of the partners - dead as a doornail from snakebites.

Forced to stay at the lodge until the supply boy makes his run (at 2 in the morning), the guests resign themselves to a safari trip hosted by Eddie; Malcolm stays behind to do his research, and look through the previous owners paperwork for clues to their disappearance. The safari is a big success, until the group head back to the lodge at sunset. Yep, another snake drops in, resulting in another mass panic and a wrecked Jeep. Now they have to walk...and under the watchful eyes of the many snakes who seem to be converging on the hunting resort. As the tourists settle in, the snakes make their way inside the walls as well. The serpents seem to have an agenda of their own - has man the hunter become man the hunted on SNAKE ISLAND? Well campers, you'll have to tune in to find out yourselves, unless you've got ophidiophobia.

O.k., if I only had one word to describe SNAKE ISLAND, I'd have to go with...formulaic (if that's even a real word.) There is really nothing to separate this film from others of the adventure/suspense genre. The filmmakers need to learn that trying to shock the audience every ten seconds only has the reverse effect; by the time something really happens, we're way too jaded to care. A little suspense goes a long way. There is a nice attempt some characterization for the three 'leads' Jake, Malcolm, and obligatory damsel Heather, but the secondary characters get a quick bit then it's off to their serpentine end (although we do get a hot 'n' nasty dance by the two female tour guides). The acting isn't terrible, but there's just not much to do by the actors - whenever something interesting starts to happen, either the script falls into cliches or we get another bogus 'suspense moment'. The story at times becomes ludicrous; such as the reason Malcolm reveals explaining why the snakes are hunting the humans (reverse-Darwinism?). (SPOILER ALERT!) The nadir of SNAKE ISLAND is, however, the absolutely STUPID scene of snakes swaying the beat of the human's music - WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH DANCING SNAKES??? Is that supposed to be clever, or funny, or what? Whatever chance there was to enjoy SNAKE ISLAND as a snowy day diversion was lost in that utterly asinine sequence. Oh well, the stock scenery and wildlife scenes are nice to look at. The picture quality varies, but is for the most part very good. Night shots as usual seem pose a few problems (grainy / badly lit) but the interior scenes are well staged and well lighted. The outdoor scenes are photographed very vividly, but there's too many "snake-cams". Audio is adequate; nothing special, but the sound is distinct and clear. The credit music is a nice African melody, but the film relies on the typical suspense score, which adds nothing new to the 'tried & true' formula SNAKE ISLAND seems to be unwilling to deviate from. This trip goes nowhere fast...

The screener of SNAKE ISLAND I viewed had no extras, except the obligatory trailer (it's red-flagged as well, rated R). I can only hope the producers add some exciting making-of featurettes or outtakes to the final product, because as is, SNAKE ISLAND just doesn't add up to an afternoon of fine film viewing.

An island full of intelligent, dancing snakes that revel in hunting down and killing humans - now doesn't that sound like an A-1 action adventure suspense plot? The beautiful wildlife photography and earnest acting can't save SNAKE ISLAND from a script that refuse to break the cliche cycle. Root canal or SNAKE ISLAND? With those snakes getting funky like a monkey, I'll be making that dentist appointment.

No snakes were harmed in the writing of this review.