I've dug a lot of stuff recently from cult director Pete Walker, take my review of the incredible Frightmare for example. I'm fairly new to Walker's work, and so far have found quite a lot to like about it. Unfortunately all of this has to come to a screeching halt because I have just shat, errr, I mean sat through his '76 opus, Schizo. Presented on DVD by Image Entertainment, the film itself is lackluster and unfortunately so is the presentation. Suffice to say it wasn't a very good holiday weekend for me.

Pro figure skater Samantha Gray's (the luscious Lynn Frederick of Four of the Apocalypse) wedding announcement has just hit the streets in the local paper. All should be lollipops and gumdrops on this special day for Sam (do you mind if I call you Sam?). Anyway, it turns out that when Sam was just a wee girl, her mother received a brutal stabbing from her lover as young (and impressionable) Sam looked on. He was put away yes, but years later, guess who's back, back again? Yup, he reads. Not only does he read, but he read the wedding announcement in the paper, and man he must be schizo (get it?) or something cuz brother he's after Sam with a vengeance. The unwanted maniac appears just about everywhere, but like all good lunatics' keeps missing his chance to kill (missed it by that much). I guess there wouldn't be much of a story to tell if he had just whacked her at the wedding reception. In one inspired scene of nut case buffoonery he nearly offs Sam while she's cleaning all of her essential parts in the shower. Unfortunately, he's scared away when the clock radio goes off. Needless to say Sam's friends and
acquaintances start to drop like flies as this guy feels the need to further his reputation as "town schizo".

What can I say folks but the fact is that Schizo is the same tired old slasher formula, but without most of the charm. Don't get me wrong, I love a good mindless slasher film evidenced by my glowing recent reviews of The Prowler and The Toolbox Murders, however, this one just didn't cut the mustard. It's dull, predictable and not sleazy enough for it's own good. Sure it tries to be sleazy and disgusting, but we all know what happens when you try too hard (you wind up with a film like Schizo or Chronicle of Corpses). Aside from a few nice set pieces (including a frantic moment in a supermarket), and Walker's assured direction, the film is way to thin on just about everything that should make a horror movie good. There are only a few nice moments of gore (which I'm sure were shocking back in the day) but for the most part it's just plain dull. It's uneventful and ridiculously plotted not to mention the fact that the film has one of the dullest and most nonsensical "surprise" endings I've ever seen. I'm still not really sure what happened and it's evident that the ending is there just to serve the first 105 minutes that made little to no sense themselves. The question arises; who is the real schizo?

What do you do when you have a so-so film and you want to dress it up for a DVD release? Well, you give it a shitty transfer of course. Honestly, those of you who read often will note that I am usually quite kind and forgiving and at least try to point out the positives. Well, here it goes. Ahem. This transfer sucks, period. There is so much print damage I don't even know where to begin. Scratches, inexcusable jump cuts (caused by missing or damaged frames) and most importantly speckles, speckles and more speckles. Yeah, there be speckles. Not to mention the fact that colors are drab and muted with little to no definition. With an overall look of soft focus (which doesn't help the cause much either) I can't help but question; wasn't there a better print available? I mean there had to have been. This is just wrong, and Image Entertainment should be ashamed of themselves for releasing such shoddy product in this the so-called digital age.

Sound is presented mono and while not terrible, it doesn't really matter at this point does it? At times the audio can seem a bit muffled or low, but for the most part dialogue and music sound acceptable. Once again, it's not gonna matter so much at this point, because if you're anything like me (then god help you), you're just completely fed up at this point.

The only extra on the disc is the fact that after the credits roll, you can take the disc out of the player and use it as either a paperweight, drink coaster, or toilet paper (although I personally don't recommend using it as toilet paper). No extras, not even a trailer. Pop the disc in and the film starts. Hit menu and there is a chapter selection screen. No muss, no fuss (no respect for Image Entertainment here).

Well, you've got two choices. Either watch this DVD or gouge out your eyes with your cell phone antenna. Decisions, decisions.