"I got my package from Lawrence today."

"Yeah?", she replied, before expanding upon the original question, "what did you get?"

"First one due is Satanico Pandemonium," a took a drag of my cigarette, "Mexican nunsploitation flick."

"Oh, that's coo--wait, that's a genre?"

Where else but in the wild world of 1970's cinema could a genre such as nunsploitation come into existence? Where else could one even make up the word nunsploitation? Who else but Mondo Macabro could enthusiastically distribute this? How the hell could I have the above conversation with my girlfriend without quickly becoming single? There are many questions one has to ask about such a genuinely bizarre production such as this, and very few answers.

For those of you unfamiliar with "nuns behaving badly" cinema, a quick formula for your notes:

nun - (faith + clothes) + (sex + gore) = nunsploitation

Learn it, live it, love it. That pretty much sums up the entire genre in a nutshell. Don't look for deep plots or intriguing characters. Look for sacrilege, blasphemy, and other such moments of fun. It holds fairly standard for all the genre pieces, from Alucarda (review here) through Killer Nun (review here). Basically, they all feature some hapless nun losing her faith (usually at the behest of Old Scratch himself), and going on a rampage of sex and violence. They're guilty pleasures, pure and simple. Satanico Pandemonium, however, comes across as a not-so-guilty pleasure. It's a beautifully shot but ultimately very tame compared to other nastier efforts in the genre such as Ken Russell's excellent The Devils.

Basically, all one needs to know about the movie's plot is pretty straightforward: The kindhearted Sister Maria (the lovely Cecilia Pezet, who looks quite tasty both in and out of her habit), slowly begins to lose her mind and her faith when the Devil (Enrique Rocha, whose resemblance to David Cronenberg is quite amusing) shows up, offering her a metaphorical apple. In a mere 90 minutes, she goes from the cover-quoted Bride of God to Slave of Satan, when she realizes her true destiny: to turn her convent into a hellacious house of hedonism!

Interestingly enough, Satanico Pandemonium was produced in association with the Mexican Tourist Board, which led to the director inserting plenty of beautifully panoramic landscapes. Rolling green fields and craggy cliffs are featured just as prominently (if not more so) than the spicy nunsense that occasionally rears its habited head. Sure, there's the obligatory, though fairly steamy, nun-on-nun sex scene (which transforms into nun-on-Satan sex), an unsuccessful attempt on a young boy's virginity, a successful attempt on aforementioned young boy's life, mother superior strangling, naked nun parties...but these scenes are spread apart by some rather long scenes that honestly should have been left on the cutting room floor. In between a few agonizing landscape shots (they are beautiful, but severely overused) there are some dreary scenes of unnecessary action (do we really need to see the sister extinguishing every damn candle in the hall?). Sure, the subplot of the African ex-slave nuns being mistreated and questioning their faith gave the story an interesting wrinkle, but it seemed sorely out of place. Do I love character development? Yes! Do I love nuns gone wrong? Hell yes! Do I love them both in the same film? Not particularly.

Do I love Mondo Macabro's DVD presentation? Oh hell, HELL yes! Their carefully executed transfer from the original negative (!) looks and sounds spectacular. Colors practically leapt off the screen (especially the oft-used primary reds), print damage was virtually nonexistent, and only a wee bit of film grain was speckled here and there. Audio was very clear, although the dialogue was a little tinny. However, the deliciously trashy organ-lounge soundtrack (perhaps the best part of the film) was bold and full. Extras are plentiful, and include a featurette on nunsploitation cinema (featuring head of Redemption Cinema Nigel Wingrove), an interview with screenwriter Alfredo Martinez Solares, lobby card galleries, essays, Mondo Macabro's always-entertaining demo reel, and scads of notes, filmographies, and other bits and pieces that elevate Mondo Macabro's releases into the realm of something special.

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