“This better be the cattle prod I ordered yesterday!”
Mary Woronov, NOT playing the ruthless warden in “Prison A-Go-Go.”

Mary Woronov graces the cover of “Prison A-Go-Go” with a sexy “Chelsea Girls” stare. She sits seductively in a chair wearing a blouse exposing ample cleavage, a tight leather skirt and high heels. The police badge she dons and the club in her hand suggest a sadistic warden – Ilsa-style! The synopsis on the back of the DVD, trumpeting her portrayal of the “ruthless warden” only reinforces this image. What kind of exquisite sadism would the star of “Hell Hole” inflict upon her captive women? Woronov excels in portraying characters that allow her to channel her formidable dark side. In roles such as the iconic Miss Togar in “Rock ‘n’ Roll High School,” she exudes an ironic perversity; often elevating banal material. Sad to say, Woronov doesn’t star in “Prison,” she basically has an extended cameo. Touting the cult film queen’s appearance on the cover when her total screen time amounts to about five minutes does not exactly endear a fan to the material.

Since the cover art and the back copy are somewhat misleading, what exactly is this “Prison-A-Go-Go” about? The film begins with Woronov playing a character called ‘Dyanne: she-bitch, slut-face.’ Presumably named Dyanne after her “Hell Hole” co-star Dyanne Thorn, the actress famous for her “Ilsa” roles. It’s one of the more clever touches in this not-so-clever outing. She’s interviewing a young nebbish named Wilbur (co-writer Mike Wiebe) for a prison warden position. At the same time, red head Calista is accosted in her kitchen by three hulking brutes carrying a small television. After Calista has been knocked to the floor, the television is placed in front of her. The evil Dr. Hurtrider (Travis Willingham) appears on screen to let her know that she’s been chosen as a test subject for some nefarious experiment. The three men then take her away, accidentally dropping a business card on the floor. Her vet sister Janie (Laurie Walton), the actual star of the film, (who is introduced sitting on the toilet), ventures into the kitchen moments later. She finds the business card on the floor, which includes the doctor’s name and address: “The biggest prison in the Philippines.” In one of the more laborious “comic” scenes put on film in some time, Janie stares at the card, then the open door and then some spattered blood on a cabinet. She does this several times in tandem with the appropriate musical cues. Sensing that the audience is going to find this scene hysterical, it’s repeated over and over again. Finally the young veterinarian figures out that her sister has been abducted and the only way to save her is to be sent away to prison as well. Why not? Go with it... it is a stylized comic-book comedy.

Meanwhile, Wilbur is hired as a warden for, you guessed it, “the biggest prison in the Philippines” -and that’s the last of Dyanne: she-bitch, slut-face. Janie ends up killing a street vagrant and is, naturally, sent to the same increasingly popular prison. Once there she meets up with Jackpot (the second-billed Rhonda Shear), a six-year veteran of the big house. Jackpot looks like the quintessential ‘80’s WIP chic; big hair, lots of make-up - but certainly doesn’t act like one. Aside from her slight ‘New Yawk’ accent, there’s nothing tough or even remotely antagonistic about her. (Unless you count her “comical” tormenting of the guards.) One of the big mistakes of “Prison” is that most of the stock characters from the typical WIP movies remain unaccounted for. The brutal warden, the dyke queen, the black warrior, the serial rapist guards... are all no-shows. This is extremely odd for a film that professes to be sending up such a clichéd genre. The one element they get right (worn like a badge of honor) is the fact that there is always a shower scene in these films. A small gag that wears awfully thin after the first time is a “shower clock” on the lower right of the screen. It counts down the minutes before the next shower break. But why make such a big deal about the shower scenes when 1) they only reveal the same three or four naked women; none of whom are the leads and 2) were clearly all shot at the same time. Where’s the lesbian sex? It’s not even intimated that these woman are hot for each other. (Another bizarre choice for a WIP send-up.)

Not much happens once our protagonist enters the prison. Her “story” is intercut with the shenanigans of Dr. Hurtrider and Wilbur’s indoctrination to life as a warden. The plot is so thin that at a certain point ninjas are introduced out of left field. You see, the ninjas are bored and believe that breaking into the prison cafeteria on sushi day might provide some entertainment. The ninjas break in, thus prompting a food fight and providing Lloyd Kaufman (making a cameo as a guard) some silly business with Shear. At this point Dr. Hurtrider has successfully turned Calista into a human porcupine (don’t ask). Janie eventually finds out where her sister is being held captive and attempts a rescue. To reveal any more would be giving away the only attempt at plot or story structure.

Though one would assume that a low-budget could only help in satirizing the WIP genre, every penny on this production seems to have been spent on film stock. According to the filmmakers, “Prison” was shot on 35 millimeter. But everything about the film, from the lighting to the composition suggests it was shot on a camcorder. The choice to forego any establishing shots also renders much of the action confusing. One can get around the cardboard sets, but not having ANY establishing shots – especially after you’ve already riffed on the use of stock footage - is kind of silly. Even in his most bankrupt films, John Waters used exterior shots to suggest place. How hard would it be to shoot... the exterior of a house or even a large building to suggest a prison?

To their credit, the guys behind “Prison” do manage to come up with a few inspired moments. The opening sequences with Woronov are kind of fun – and her dialogue is better written than much of what follows. Director, co-writer Barak Epstein also shows a sure hand with his non-cameo cast. Shear comes off especially well and has some funny moments. She’s the only one in the main cast that has a knack for comic timing. Walton as the young “new flesh” is appropriately charming, but she’s given very little to do. Wiebe is the standout among the novice actors. Though his goofy character doesn’t really work (he’s the antithesis of a sadistic warden!), he shows a casual assurance that is quite winning. He comes off as a less abrasive Jamie Kennedy. Epstein also shows up periodically in a recurring joke about a soft drink sponsor. His segments are actually funny in an understated way. The opening credit sequence is quite wonderful. It’s an animated piece by Devadas George and has an energy and wit that is surely lacking in the rest of the production.

This EI Cinema DVD release is a superior product in every way. First is the film, a crisp, clear presentation presented in anamorphic widescreen. The bonus materials are plentiful and rather surprising given the low-budget background. An interview with the director proved most interesting; especially the fact that the entire movie was shot in Dallas, TX. Home of the late, great S.F. Brownrigg and countless Larry Buchanan films! The behind-the-scenes stories were far more interesting than the film itself. Epstein simply went to the website of Woronov and e-mailed a request for her to appear in the film! The same for Shear... For novice directors, the extras alone are worth the price of the DVD. Not so ironically, his film company is called Worldwide International Pictures (WIP for short). Epstein might have made a mediocre WIP comedy, but the future is certainly bright for him and his fledgling company. Knowing the behind-the-scenes story almost makes one want to reevaluate the film. Almost. Also provided is a running commentary with Epstein, a behind-the-scenes, audition footage and film festival premiere.

“Prison A-Go-Go” might not be “good-good,” but it’s a foot in the door for a young writer/director. Jack Hill made some not-so-great films as well when he started out. Who knows? Maybe Epstein and WIP might make the next “Switchblade Sisters.” Until then, the Monsters will try to forgive their prison-worthy exploitation of cult goddess Woronov.