We're painting a picture for you here. It's a dark, cold night and the scene sets in an eerie woodland background. Surrounded by trees, shrubs and fog, a young girl is running for her dear life. She's tearing from her eyes, sweating, completely naked and covered in fresh cuts and bruises. Giving chase is none other than Paul Naschy himself, playing the character Alaric de Marnac (Horror Rises From The Tomb). He's decked out in full-on knights' gear and swinging a spiked mace while riding horseback. When he finally catches up with the poor unfortunate gal (it doesn't take long)...well...you probably know the rest. What more can you say, but wow. All of this within the opening minutes of the 80's Euro treat, Panic Beats. God bless 80's Euro horror. Did I even mention the opening credits sequence? Pure gold.

So apparently, Alaric de Marnac returns to form in his Knight garb every hundred years to dispose of the women in his bloodline that he doesn't approve of. It just so happens that Paul (Naschy in one of two roles here) and his wife Genevieve (Julia Saly) are heading to the ancient Marnac country estate for some R&R. Along their travels, they run out of gas (natch) and Genevieve is hassled by a few ruffians while Paul travels two towns over for some gasoline. Paul makes it back 'just in time' to step in and save the little lady and the two make it to the house in no time. Awaiting their arrival are two housekeepers. There's young and sexy Julie (Paquita Ondiviela) along with old and wretched Mabile (Lola Gaos). Did I mention how young and sexy Julie is? Moving along...Once the happy(?) couple arrives so does the strangeness. This is where my synopsis will end. While the surprises aren't really all that 'surprising' - part of the fun is how the story unfolds. If it's your first time, I don't want to spoil anything for you, so there. Just know that there is a creepy gothic estate, ghosts, a sexy young housekeeper, some murders, a +500-year-old knight, more double crossing than The Church of Latter-day Saints (I have no idea what that means) and a sexy young housekeeper. Did I mention the sexy young housekeeper? I'll stop now.

Panic Beats has all of the elements that make an 80's Euro outing so much fun. The meat tends to drag a bit, but the outer pieces of white bread are outrageous enough to keep you enthralled (as with the opening scene I described earlier). In laymen's terms, the films' opening and closing are its strongest points, while there's a bit of dragging that takes place in between. Still, Naschy is in top form here, taking to the director's chair as well as the lead role in the film. Even though the film tends to get caught up in its own web (the 'twists' do tend to get out of control), I did find myself enjoying the film, more and more as it moved along. Panic Beats has a certain charm about it, a charm that gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling, just when my wine buzz started to wear off. Visually, the film is a stunner. Although I couldn't help but think how spectacular the film would have looked in Black & White (a thought that was reinforced after viewing the still gallery), though it's still pretty magnificent looking all around.

It may seem a bit pedestrian to some, because the basic elements of the film are pretty much just that, pedestrian. There's really nothing new here that we haven't seen before. It's how Naschy fuses these elements together that's so much fun. It's all about how Nashy gleefully exploits these familiar conventions and plays with them. He knows exactly what he's doing, make no mistake about it. And he doesn't apologize for it once. He doesn't have to.

Mondo Macabro has presented us with an outstanding package, which, first and foremost, features an impressive transfer. Colors are bold and sharp, there is little to no print damage. The anamorphically enhanced image is top notch here. The Mono Spanish audio is OK, nothing to write home about, but it certainly gets the job done. The removable English subs are serviceable, even if the English (including a bit of spelling) seems slightly off and zips by rather quickly. Extras include a 20-minute feature on Spanish horror films and a nearly 30-minute (recent) interview with Paul Naschy. As expected, both are worth your time, and a nice addition to an already impressive package. Also included is a still gallery and another nifty Mondo Macabro trailer reel.

While it's not about to enter 'classic' territory by any means, Panic Beats is an enjoyable, trash-filled 80's Euro romp...especially if you're in the mood for some sleazy entertainment. It's got the gore, nudity, gothic castle, nutty dialogue and crazy plot spins etc. that make these classy films so special. What more could you ask for?

Mondo Macabro Online