If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably been wondering about this 99 Women: The X-Rated French Version, not least because of the fact that it seems so shrouded in secrecy. Blue Underground, whose name does not even appear on the disk itself, has yet to link this release to its website (though one can find the hidden page with a modicum of computorial savvy); and, before its release, there was a good deal of confusion as to when the disk was coming out and what it was to contain. Originally a double-disk edition was to include both the Director’s Cut (review here) and this French version; then, there was a change to two separate releases. Once this was established, however, the X-rated version’s release date kept sliding back, until it eventually appeared with no fanfare a month after it was due to street. Now I don’t know about you, but this kind of mystery really piques my curiosity; and, since I couldn’t find any reviews of it (save a few angry customer comments) online, I made it my job to become the honorary Monsters at Play Emanuelle: I’d seek this release out and report on all the dirt the others are afraid to expose. I here present you with my shocking exposé...

In regards to the movie itself, there’s little plot difference between the Director’s Cut and this version, which comes under the title Les Brûlantes, or, literally, “the burning women” (assumedly burning with passion, unless there are some gore inserts in here, too). For those of you not in “the know,” I’ll provide the plot synopsis from my review of the Director’s Cut for your convenience:

“The story concerns Marie (Maria Rohm), a pretty young woman whom we meet as she’s being incarcerated in an island prison named the Castillo de la Muerte. Immediately upon her arrival, Marie is stripped of her clothes and issued a ratty prison uniform and a number: 99. After her arrival, Marie quickly learns that the prison is in a rather poor state: it is lorded over by a harsh warden (Mercedes McCambridge), who sells the girls to a corrupt governor (Herbert Lom) who also heads the island’s male prison. One night, as Marie lies in her cell, she hears a fellow inmate’s moans of pain and quickly discerns that the girl is sick. Thinking fast, she calls out for help but finds no sympathy from the guards or the warden; the girl dies, and Marie is sentenced to confinement for her ‘disruptive behavior’ and is basically raped by her cellmate, Zoë (Rosalba Neri), who is being pressured by the governor to do so.

“Thankfully, the inordinate number of inmate fatalities has alerted the government to potential trouble at the prison, which leads to the arrival of an inspector (Maria Schell, who goes through the whole movie with a Mad-TV-Vancome-Lady sneer), to oversee the prison. In a rather shocking turn (though we must remember that 99 Women preceded most WIP movies, so it doesn’t have to play by any set of rules), the inspector actually seems genuinely interested in the prisoners’ treatment: she makes sure they are fed decently, treated humanely, and punished fairly. Still, Marie doesn’t think it fair that she is here at all. Killing a rapist in self-defense, she asserts, led to her imprisonment, yet no one seems to believe her story and simply considers her a prostitute who killed a john. Fed up with their incarceration, Marie and two other prisoners devise a daring plan to escape the prison and the island. Indeed, the three do make it into the surrounding jungle, but its vicious wildlife, the prison’s guards, and some escaped inmates from the nearby male prison all conspire to make their escape from the island a very difficult task.”

So what of this “X-Rated French Version?” What’s the difference? The answer is about 15 to 20 minutes of crappy hardcore footage that was not shot by Franco and has been jammed in with almost no regard for continuity, logic, etc. Still, if you think I’m indignant, I’ll tell you now that you’re mistaken. I’m gonna admit that I enjoyed this version of 99 Women, albeit in the most perverse of ways. There’s just something bizarrely amusing about the whole thing—not just that the porn has been so poorly inserted, but that it carries this Ed Woodsy quality about it, too: these inserts are, generally, massively inappropriate for where they’re being placed, and it seems like only the most passing attempt was made to get them to match the scene they’re being stuck into.

The earliest insert, for example, sets things off to a fine start. It comes when Maria Rohm is sleeping in her cell and cuts from her lying on the ground to a couple of women having rather bored sex in what looks to be a suburban bedroom. Is this supposed to be a dream? A flashback? Or is it just a really bad stand-in for the cell? Who knows? A blonde woman has been thrown in, seemingly to stand in for Ms. Rohm, yet it’s quite clear she isn’t her, and the director makes no attempt to hide this fact. The addition of some rather unsightly armpit hair doesn’t help matters, either.

After this, things become even more bizarre. During Marie’s rape at the hands of Zoë, for instance, the film cuts from her in a room with Herbert Lom and Rosalba Neri to some woman (that same blonde? She looks to be wearing a wig...) in a jail cell; a man in a bath robe walks in and immediately penetrates her. The film then cuts back to Franco’s lovely, impressionistic footage of Zoie and Marie caressing each other and then returns to the cell, where some black-haired girl (Neri’s stand-in?) wanders in and begins performing some spectacularly inept digital stimulation on the couple’s hindquarters.

One scene, in which a prisoner escapes a work-yard for a brief rendezvous with her lover, simply has her entering the shed he’s hiding in and him muttering “finally” before cutting immediately to penetration. Even by horndog paramour standards, this must be some kind of record. The fact that the woman’s short red hair changes to long blonde locks makes the transition even more shocking, especially when it then cuts from that shot back to this.

And the atrocities continue! Rosalba Neri’s striptease has some strange, Night to Dismember-style psychedelic sex scene spliced into it; Maria Rohm’s flashback, which is supposed to have her being raped by four men, is replaced by some blonde girl and an old guy struggling in a dirt-patch; and, probably best of all, the scene in which Rohm spies on the redhead and her dead lover’s friend’s sexual counter now continues, with a couple of French women standing in for Rohm and the third escapee making love out in a forest. What makes this scene so fantastic is the fact that the two girls’ prison uniforms are simulated by a couple of bath towels that mysteriously appear out of nowhere, with their ensemble being perfectly completed by matching fuzzy slippers!

Anyway, along with all the inserted insertion inserts, other changes have been made to the film as well. Originally, one of the most noticeable (for me at least) was the use of different portions of the film’s theme, “The Day I Was Born,” which allows the viewer to hear a little more of the song; however, with the release of DigitMovies’ fine new soundtrack CD (review here), this benefit is rendered moot.

In addition to using these different musical cues (particularly repeating the “Rosalba Neri striptease” track during every fucking insert), there are other interesting changes to be found, too. Most noticeably, of course, the movie’s ending has been completely reworked and stripped of all its emotional punch. What’s more interesting, though, are the dialogue changes, the strangest of which turns Herbert Lom’s governor into a bisexual, his line “The little blonde darling...was a good little darling” being replaced with “He was ravishing.” Mercedes’ McCambridge’s reply is always gender specific: “I thought you would like her” in the English; “I thought you would like him” in the French. How peculiar...

Anyway, as for the DVD itself, things are good enough. The film is presented, like the unrated version, in 1.66:1 widescreen with anamorphic enhancement, and it generally looks about as good as the Director’s Cut, aside from the porno inserts, which are a little rougher. The French mono is serviceable and as good as it has to be; and the subs are generally accurate, though they occasionally will omit a minor detail for little apparent reason.

And the extras? There are none.

Considering this, whether you find spending 30 dollars on this disk worth it is definitely a matter of opinion. For me, it wasn’t, but I had a coupon, so for 25 bucks, I’m satisfied. Obviously, we’re not paying for great art here, but more of a cheap laugh; however, since Franco’s Director’s Cut has been issued, too, I figure there’s really no harm in enjoying this. Just imagine any normal, R-level movie with poorly-matched XXX inserts shoved into it, and you can get a picture of the sick, stupid pleasure you might be able to get from watching this travesty. I’ve seen a fair amount of complaining about this disk from consumers on the ‘net; and I have to say, some of this is justified. Blue Underground has admittedly been a little underhanded in marketing this (“long rumored scenes of extreme sexuality” my ass...); however, armed with the knowledge that this is just a goofy alternate novelty edit, I think one could have a fair deal of fun with this disk. I must admit, however ashamedly, that I did.