Everyone here, I'm sure, has been into a “mom and pop” video store. Not Blockbuster, or Movie Gallery, or West Coast Video, but a tiny little hole in the wall who end up having the weirdest selection known to man. This is because, unlike huge mega corporate video stores, these small businesses don't have the money to spend a hundred bucks a pop on multiple copies of whatever Sean William Scott movie is making a gazillion dollars at the box office. Thus, they will order the low budget knock-off titles, the weird underground cult classics, and the cheapie imports. Hell, it's usually like the island of misfit toys in these small shops! Not that it's a BAD thing, mind you. Hell, if it weren't for these little places, half of you wouldn't be reading this. The point of my story is simple: Video Kart's two-pack deal of Monstrosity and Graverobbers reminds me of those little video stores. Both movies are damned obscure (I hadn't even HEARD of them until Lawrence told me he was sending them) and remind me of something I'd stumble across in Video Visions (the local small shop in my area) and pick up for SOME reason. Not particularly good or groundbreaking, I found some stuff to like in this inexpensive two-pack.

Monstrosity

Kids do the darnedest things! Clay Cole and his gang (yes, a gang led by a guy named Clay) are causing tons o' mayhem all over town. It all comes to a head when they rape a hairspray saturated young lady, leaving her battered, bruised, and hospitalized. Fearful of being fingered as the rapist, Clay visits his patient in the hospital and disembowels her. Kinda hard to testify when your guts are all over the bedspread. Anyhoo, the girl's vengeful boyfriend demands justice, and the cops aren't doing anything. So he and his friends decide to build a Golem (in an exchange that had the structure and over-enthusiasm of 8-year-olds planning to build a tree fort) to hunt down and kill Clay and his gang. They cobble together a man-beast named Frankie (after Frankenstein, of course) from a mangled human body, with some ape limbs to fill in the gaps. Brought to life, Frankie confusedly begins his killing spree, driven by his power-mad creators. However, Frankie's murderous rampage is slowed by his new "punker" girlfriend and his guardian angel, Angelo. How will Frankie decide between his masters and his own nature?

Monstrosity is one SURREAL flick. Frankie, in his afro wig and fringe jacket, looks like a zombified Disco Stu. Violent scenes attempt to be serious and disturbing, but are presented in such an over-the-top nature so as to be head-shakingly odd. The scene where Clay is tearing what seems to be MILES of intestines out of his victim is amazingly bizarre, to say the least. The real highlight, however, is Frankie. Played with some genuine sweetness by Haal Borske, Frankie is easily one of the most convincing and likable characters in the flick, and is given the best visual gags. Watching Frankie pull his lower lip out from under his massive overbite in order to give his girlfriend a kiss is cute without being cheesy (an astonishing feat). Sure, most of the time, Monstrosity comes across as a poor man's Toxic Avenger, but little touches like that give it a flavor all its own.

Graverobbers

Necrophilia! Yum yum! That's the one word description to get Graverobbers rolling (I guess it sounded better than “Corpsefuckers”). Nora Edwards is a lonely waitress working the night shift at a greasy spoon, when two men walk into her life: a sleazy condom salesman who REALLY wishes he was Jack Nicholson, and John Henry Cox (who isn't a porn star, despite the name). She turns down the condom salesman's cliche advances, and decides to marry (!?) John Henry when he proposes. They are whisked away in Henry's limo to Newbury, where Nora discovers her new husband's “family business.” He's an undertaker! Dun-dun-DUN! The plot thickens when Nora discovers a few dirty secrets: Henry's been married twice before, and both wives died at the same age. When a local girl's coffin is found empty, the truth comes out, and Nora needs to escape, before she's captured by the Corpsefu--I mean, the Graverobbers!

This movie doesn't fare nearly as well. It features, honestly, the WORST acting that I have ever seen. We're talking worse than Chickboxer...ewww (review here). The script makes little to no sense, characters change personalities in a blink of an eye, and nobody has an interesting persona whatsoever. Sure, there are a couple bright moments: Henry's often-slain chauffeur Morley shedding off all of his skin and becoming a motorcycle riding zombie needs to be seen to be believed, and the rotting corpse props are well done. Even more obnoxious, the movie goes from being a somewhat serious horror to complete goofiness about 80% through. Couple that with a horrendously tacked-on “where are they now” ending that should have John Hughes calling his lawyer, and you've got one big mess that tried to be Jack of all trades, yet becomes a master of none.

Presentation of these are both fairly mediocre. Colors are muted, grain is ever-present, and little white nicks and scratches are everywhere. Audio was muffled, and had a loud hum underneath the soundtrack, which was both distracting and annoying. Extras include trailers for other “fine” Video Kart releases, easter eggs (which are clearly mapped out on Graverobbers' disc), and a rather snooty essay by the president of Video Kart. The essay was lame simply because of the whole attitude of “If you don't like the movie, blame Andy Milligan. If you DO like the movie, thank Video Kart!” which irritated me. Sure, Video Kart did what they said they could, but talking shit about Andy Milligan low budget decisions is just biting the hand that feeds you. Shame.

For about the cost of renting two movies, you can own both of these flicks. Question is, do you really want to? While Monstrosity is good campy fun, Graverobbers was pretty awful. Sure, there are worse ways to spend your DVD dollar, but there are a hell of a lot better. Video Kart's on its maiden voyage right now, and it shows. Hopefully their offerings will improve in the future.

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