Hey kids! It's another oddball obscurity dished up from the cinematic cesspool by the wonderfully wacky folks at Mondo Macabro - now with extra Kinski in every box!

Sorry, by "Kinski" I'm not referring to naked, snake-wrapped Nastassja... although, admittedly, that would also be nice to see. But no, I'm talking about the one from whose loins she sprung, that dark demigod who once stomped upon this unwary earth. The being whose name the devil himself fears to utter: K2, the mighty Klaus.

Of course, if you turn away just long enough to top off your snifter of Remy Martin or spark another bud, you might miss him here, because with just about every film after 1970 (except those directed by Werner Herzog), he's only in there long enough to get his name on the poster with "and" before it and "as..." after it. In some cases (THE SOLDIER, for instance), this amounts to less than one precious minute of screen time. Fortunately, there's a teeny bit more Klaus to go around here, and when he's on, he's really on, if you get my drift.

The alleged Kinski vehicle is LIFESPAN, a seldom-seen European thriller with art-house aspirations that distributors failed to market properly, thus consigning it to box-office oblivion - though it did resurface as a fairly strong home-video rental item thanks to prominent placement of K2 on the cover art, lustfully ogling the bubbling contents of an Erlenmeyer flask. The film is not really exploitation - though I guess the inclusion of a hot naked chick in bondage might qualify it as such - but a mildly cerebral medical conspiracy thriller with sci-fi overtones, which is pretty goofy, but always interesting and neat to look at. Did I mention the hot naked chick in bondage? I probably will again at some point.

The story begins with idealistic American scientist Dr. Land (the cool-looking but atrociously dubbed Hiram Keller) attending a medical conference in Amsterdam - the highlight of which is to be a lecture by controversial oncologist Dr. Linden (Eric Schneider), who has apparently made shocking discoveries in the field of human longevity. Land's plan to study under Linden himself is kiboshed when he finds the eccentric genius swinging from a noose. Bummer.

Obsessed with learning the doctor's secrets, Land begins a retrospective and very personal examination of his life and work, professional detachment be damned. He even sets about romancing the late doctor's saucy lover Anna (SALON KITTY's Tina Aumont). Needless to say, this fascination quickly slides into obsession, as Land reenacts every aspect of Linden's professional and private life - living in the doctor's apartment, conducting the same experiments, meeting with his colleagues, even indulging in the same fetishes that informed Linden's favorite rainy-day pastime - leading to the aforementioned bondage scene, in which Keller ties up the willing Aumont (in a super-sciencey "double helix" pattern, no less). This scene was apparently cut from many release prints, albeit pretty tame by today's standards. It's fun, though.

Land's research, which also includes stalking Anna throughout Amsterdam, leads him into the chess-club hangout of a strange old doctor, who advises him not to inquire about "The Swiss Man." If this was meant to be reverse psychology, it works like a charm, because Land almost immediately turns around and asks Anna who the Swiss Man is. Given her reluctance to reveal his identity, as well as the growing aura of mystery and menace surrounding this lurking character, I was pretty damn sure the individual in question would turn out to be the notorious German nutbag himself. As always, he gets good mileage form his handful of brief scenes in the film (one of a hundred-plus paycheck pickups that marked the bulk of his latter-day career): impeccably dressed, speaking in hushed riddles (in his own voice, thank goodness), and gettin' down with Aumont while wearing an antique mask.

Meanwhile, our nominal hero is getting loonier by the minute: plagued with visions of Linden, he is haunted by the possibility that he may not only be repeating the late doctor's successes, but also his most fatal mistakes... or is it all an elaborate Faustian setup by the devilish Swiss Man to assure that Linden's experiments continue as planned? You won't get those answers in a nice neat package, but I think that's the whole point.

The directing debut of Alexander "Sandy" Whitelaw, LIFESPAN is compelling and unique, if a bit stuffy and pretentious. It addresses lofty concepts about life and death, compares Land's/Linden's research techniques to Nazi eugenics experiments, and tosses in some curious theories regarding the aging process as a disease that can be cured. It also folds in a dollop of the aforementioned kinky sex (not to mention Kinski sex), eccentric characters (see Ben's landlady communicating long-distance with an elephant!), grave-robbing, even some artsy dream sequences. There's also a hypnotic organ-based score from experimental composer Terry Riley, which helps cast a dreamy haze over the proceedings. Sadly the whole thing is dragged down by a flat and redundant voice-over from the protagonist - whose sanity is increasingly brought into question, but never really determined one way or the other - and conspiracy plot twists that muddy the waters but reveal little or nothing about the characters. It all comes off as something akin to an extremely well-financed student film, full of big ideas and aspirations, but lacking in narrative discipline.

But at least there's a hot naked chick in bondage, right?

The fine folks at Mondo Macabro treat every film in their catalog with reverence, and LIFESPAN is no exception. The print is in pretty decent shape (apart from a small amount of dirt), and the 1.85:1 anamorphic transfer preserves some nicely-composed shots of the many gorgeous Dutch locations. The garish colors (including lots of eerie, comic-book purples and reds) really pop, grain is minimal, and the surreal lighting scheme suits the thriller ambiance well. The English soundtrack is in unspectacular but serviceable Dolby 2.0.

There's a pleasing bouquet of extras available, including a 20-minute interview with director Whitelaw, who is still fond of the film and explains his intentions in making it. Whitelaw is joined by Mondo's Pete Tombs for a feature commentary track, which thankfully provides a few of the usual "Krazy Klaus" anecdotes (for example, the notoriously difficult actor was enraged about working with mice, but eventually warmed up thanks to the lovely selection of cheeses available for lunch) and some very interesting theories about life and death - which, frankly, the film doesn't explore in nearly as much depth as he does. Tombs also provides a text essay about the film. The theatrical trailer and the legendary Mondo Macabro preview reel round out the package.

All told, LIFESPAN is an interesting oddity if nothing else. Although it's not exactly a riveting thriller, it does possess a mesmerizing, dreamlike quality that's pretty hard to describe, and involves the viewer on a more unconscious level - which is a bit more interesting than the machinations of a half-baked thriller plot. Visit for Klaus, stay for some hot bondage action, then ponder the mysteries of mortality while you're at it. Sounds like an average evening at my house.