Ya know, there are films that challenge us because of complex characters or story structure. Perhaps there are situations presented that are so intense, we could never imagine having to suffer through them. These are films that impact our lives, they leave us contemplating for days after viewing and many of these films become our favorites. They are the product of talented filmmakers, those who have a real grasp on the medium and are born storytellers. Then there are films that leave us scratching our heads because those involved in its creation, no matter how hard they had tried, have proved that they'd be better suited for the mailroom at a major studio, rather than behind the camera. Sadly, Invaders of the Lost Gold is one such film.

The story that is about to unfold is so inane and nonsensical that I don't even know where to begin. I'll be honest, a lot of it isn't even worth going into at this point. It's such a mish-mash you'll probably have popped an entire bottle of aspirin before the end credits have even had a chance to roll. The story begins in the 1940's deep within the jungles of the Philippines. A group of Japanese soldiers are escorting an undisclosed amount of gold when they are attacked by a group of natives. Some violence ensues and the Japanese that aren't beheaded, manage to escape to a nearby cave with the gold. They leave the gold intact, vowing not to return unless all have been able to attend the reunion.

Flash forward 36 years later to Tokyo and an asshole American businessman named Douglas Jefferson is trying to put together an expedition to find the hidden fortune. He approaches some Japanese soldiers (From the opening of the film? Your guess is as good as mine) and isn't successful until he reaches the third gentlemen (he kills the first after he refuses and the second commits suicide!). Anyway, our lecherous businessman convinces the Japanese guy to go in for something like 25% and Douglas is on his way to finance the expedition. Somehow he manages to get the $$ and puts together a motley crew of explorers (including Janice, his sexilicious daughter) and about 45-minutes into the film they hit the jungle.

Once they arrive, we're given information (limited information at that) about a possible double cross. There's a snake and crocodile attack and Laura Gemser (looking gorgeous as ever) stops by with just enough time to mysteriously die while taking a nude swim by a waterfall (this part I didn't mind so much). One by one the group starts to perish as they gain ground toward their fortune. Who's behind the double cross? I'm not sure that any of us should even care at this point!

Invaders of the Lost Gold is so beyond bad filmmaking, it's quite sad actually. The opening scene has promise and is pretty nifty with the jungle assault and all, but once we hit present time and the crew is assembled, It's hard to tell where the story is going. Before we even understand why they've chosen whom they've chosen, the boat is ready to roll and being loaded up! All of these people seem to have ties with one another, yet none of this is ever fully explained. Since we don't really know who these people are, of course we don't care a bit, so there's hardly any drama to be found. Exploitation elements are so light, that it's difficult to even enjoy Invaders on my normal perverted scumbag level as well!

Crash Cinema has released Invaders as the first title in their Mondo Crash line. Quality wise, this one is really rough around the edges. There's no shortage of print damage, with plenty of specs and scratches randomly found throughout. Quality is quite spotty as there are some scenes with fairly solid colors and very little damage while others seem to have hit the jackpot of anomalies. For what it's worth, I doubt that it's even necessary for this flick to be cleaned up any more than this - it serves its purpose well...as the main attraction of your next crappy movie night (c'mon, we all have 'em!). Audio is pretty remarkable in that this flick features one of the worst dub jobs that I have ever heard! Dubbed voices of dying soldiers and natives in the opening scenes are beyond laughable - this flick is screaming for a makeover from the retired fellas over at MST3K. There is some slight background noise, but for the most part, dialogue is clear enough in all of its terrible glory.

Extras include some completely unrelated kung fu trailers. It's nice to see Crash Cinema broadening their horizons and they have some interesting flicks coming out under the Mondo Crash line including Death Dimension and Beat Girl. While Invaders didn't exactly float my boat, I'll bet that Crash did everything they could with what they've been given. If you're looking for a film that's so bad...well it's just bad - then check out Invaders. Otherwise, keep a close eye on Mondo Crash's upcoming line, because they've got some real diamonds in the rough on their schedule. I'll tell you one thing about their release of Invaders though - the cover art certainly kicks ass!