There is no other genre in the film world as slavishly redundant or (metaphorically) cannibalistic as horror. Most every successful horror/exploitation film released in the last 30 years has either been sequelized, remade or ripped off in some fashion. Some may argue that this is the case with a money-making film in any genre, but the overwhelming numbers speak for themselves. There is no other market that can turn a low-budget, no-name cast production into a hugely successful venture time and again. A properly marketed exploitation film, if not a sequel, one that rides the coattails of a hit, has a pretty good chance of recouping its investment. This would certainly explain the inexplicable Children of the Corn saga and, sadly, 90 percent of the theatrical and direct-to-video product out there.

But, horror fans are a forgiving lot. It’s not so much the originality of the product or even the hope that we’ll be “scared” or “thrilled” by the subject matter. Horror films at their most basic level are about facing our fear of death. And fans are eager to face that fear in a familiar, comfortable and, most importantly, entertaining forum. It’s this need for a “death communion” if you will that keeps us coming back time and again. And producers know that the die-hard will be there no matter the quality. So we’ll go see Halloween: Resurrection knowing the consequences with no questions asked. We’ll watch, blurry-eyed and punchy, Howling 6: The Freaks at 2 o’clock in the morning to the bitter end. And we’ll rent Inseminoid, a schizoid Alien clone not for the human drama – but for the communion.

All this horror introspection aside, the main question with any title as dubious as Inseminoid (a.k.a. Horror Planet) is: ‘what is the entertainment level?’ Well, this particular film, part of a small subgenre that started with Ridley Scott’s highly influential Alien (itself a rip-off of countless 50’s sci-fi films), is only moderately entertaining. Something more than The Terror Within and Creature but infinitely less than that great Roger Corman-produced combo Galaxy of Terror and Forbidden World. The set-up to this British production is rather convoluted and unnecessarily complicated. A group of scientist (from earth?) are excavating a tomb on an alien planet. There is talk about a previous mission going awry, but precious little back ground information on much of anything. The team, an equal mix of men and women, find crystals in various underground caves of the tomb. These crystals have an energy force surrounding them and it is assumed, quite logically, that something must be feeding off the energy. A red herring is supplied by one of the members who is injured in a crystal explosion(!) in one of the caves. He’s treated for his burns and then promptly joins everyone for dinner. He begins to feel a bit queasy and - before you can say John Hurt (and don’t because it doesn’t really play out that way) – he leaves the room.

It’s never quite certain if director Norman J. Warren and writers Nick & Gloria Maley are playing against expectation or simply playing “lets-make-a-movie!” because every choice in this film seems ill-conceived. There is an amazing amount of time given to Ricky – our red herring scientist who eventually goes crazy and wanders into the tomb where he causes some trouble. To little effect. There’s a wonderful gonzo scene, the only one that manages a modicum of suspense, that deals with a female scientist who gets her foot caught in some equipment and finds herself almost out of oxygen. A handy “space saw” enters into the picture you see… Many people at this point might be wondering when the alien action comes into play. And why not? There is that nasty-looking paper mache puppet creature on the DVD cover hovering over a naked, unconscious space-babe. Eventually, two scientists (a male we’ll call “meat” and the female star we’ll call Sandy - for that is her name) make it back into the tomb and are finally attacked by some kind of blink-and-you’ll-miss creature. The male is quickly killed while the female is, naturally, taken away and, quite literally, inseminated on a glow-in-the-dark table. A large tube, filled with liquid and enormous “seeds,” enters her nether regions while a poorly-conceived alien stands over her. (Sandy, by the way, is played by the unfortunate Judy Geeson best known for her winning performance as a mod teen in To Sir, With Love.) Geeson’s performance is actually quite good but she ultimately comes across as foolish given the silly material. What transpires post-rape is basically a reworking of that groovy John Saxon film Queen of Blood with an impregnated Geeson killing and eating the cast as nourishment for her alien brood. The titular creatures make a cameo toward the end (the puppet-thing on the DVD cover is one of the offspring), but amount to very little. Disappointing for those expecting a full-on Alien clone or, for that matter, anyone expecting some enjoyable exploitation.

A few high points are the funky set and costume designs. The Flash Gordon space suits and ten-dollar sets are fun for a while. The gore effects, which might have been trimmed for an R-rating, are suitably gory. And, least of all, for a production such as this the acting by the ensemble cast is pretty strong. Of note, the beautiful Stephanie Beacham (who achieved some success in America on Dynasty) manages to give some substance to her ridiculous dialogue. Robin Clarke and Jennifer Ashley are also good as fellow scientists, but all seem to be taking the affair far too seriously. Come on, it’s Inseminoid for crying out loud! Someone should have shown them Bruce D. Clark’s Galaxy of Terror with Edward Albert and Erin Happy Days Moran. Now those two, hands down, were the champions of ‘80’s “space camp.” Director Warren was also responsible for the drive-in favorite Terror (shown in America on a double bill with Dracula’s Dog) and the obscure Bloody New Year. Though Terror is generally regarded as a forgotten gem, Inseminoid, produced a few years later, does nothing to suggest any truth to that fact.

Elite’s release of Inseminoid is a bare-bones release, unless you count the trailer as an extra feature. The film, presented in its correct aspect ratio, is an exquisite print. It’s one of the best I’ve ever seen from this company. The colors are bold and image quality is incredibly sharp. This must have been struck from the original negative or else they found a pristine print from over 20 years ago. Given its spotty theatrical release, this wouldn’t be surprising. The sound quality was also well-defined with accompanying screams, space madness and annoying synth score all presented at their digital best.

For communion of the tacky space-scare nature you’d do better with the aforementioned Queen of Blood or the other titles mentioned in this review. Inseminoid is moderately interesting, but also quite frustrating in its intentionally derivative “plot.” Hopefully soon a Blue Underground or other specialty house will put out a special edition of Galaxy where we can commune with some honest trashy fun.