God bless Troma. The self-proclaimed producers of "truly independent cinema" have given me hours upon hours of entertainment. True, that entertainment is rife with gore and boobies, but if you're reading this, I doubt this is an issue. Needless to say, when I saw this movie on the rack for a mere $7.99 I snapped it right up. Troma releasing a Tales From The Crypt-style compilation movie? Don't mind if I do!

The film opens with a nameless Executioner (Gunnar Hansen) walking the rows in a women's prison (No, it's not Chained Heat. Sorry.) He stops at each cell to berate each prisoner, before reaching the last cell of his next victim, vicious serial killer Tara (The lovely Debbie Rochon. Reowr!) He is all too glad to be bringing her down that final walk to the electric chair, but he's a bit ahead of schedule. This gives her time to read him her stories that she's been writing, with the help of the restless spirits of the cellblock.

The first yarn, "Watery Grave," opens with the oddly calm Sherry Simpson once again explaining to the sheriff how her children were kidnapped. Once she's released by the understandably suspicious sheriff, she returns home for some jacuzzi lovin' with her boyfriend. How he could kiss her with the mouthfuls of scenery he was chewing I'll never understand. She is then haunted with guilty nightmares of her "kidnapped" children tormenting her from beyond Davey Jones' Locker. Turns out she drowned them, and they want revenge! Dun-dun-DUN! This segment is by far, the weakest of the three. Mediocre acting and unlikable characters strip a lot out of the few genuinely creepy moments and some disturbing exchanges of dialogue. Bad taste bonus points are awarded for the parallels between the tale and the Susan Smith child-murder case.

The second tale, "White Trash Love Story," picks up the slack with some good old-fashioned Troma-style fun. Handlebar moustache-sporting husband Joe Mark is constantly beating his young wife Heidi Mae. This guy uses everything from his hands to a belt to a Porterhouse steak! When she's decided enough is enough, she turns to the local witch (who looks like she should be the mother to Hellraiser's Butterball) for some magical assistance with her troubles. Needless to say, she screws up the spell, with fatal results. This bit definitely helped soften the blow from the first story. It was much more light-hearted, and seemed to fit the Troma feel a lot better. There was plenty of gross goo, spraying juices, and Toxic Avenger style bladder effects. The actors seemed to relish their ridiculous lines, delivering them with true b-movie gusto. Plus, Joe Mark's tattoo looks like it was applied at a carnival face-painting booth!

"Big Rhonda" rounds out the trio with a nameless biker gang riding to Mexico to pick up some dope. In tow is newbie gang member, Chaney, who seems to fit in as well as an '83 Monte Carlo in a shriners' parade. Before they can pick up the dope, they have to make a stop at a "bikers' graveyard" to pay homage to Big Rhonda, their badass biker mama deity. How do they do this? Why, by digging up her body and crucifying it of course! Afterwards, they party like it's 1999, with plenty of drugs, Molotov cocktails, and lesbian heavy petting (Hey guys, got room for another member?) Needless to say, something isn't right, and there's hell to pay! "Big Rhonda" seemed to be the most fitting of the three tales, with the right dose of horror, humor, and gore (and don't forget boobies!) It never dragged, and the prop for Rhonda's rotting corpse was pretty effective, given the budget.

The wraparound story of Tara and her Executioner is also pretty nice. There's the standard predictable twist ending, which was pretty satisfying. Debbie Rochon delivers her usual fun performance, with oodles of overacting wackiness. Gunnar Hansen was a bit wooden, but can you really expect Shakespearean efforts from a guy whose claim to fame is Leatherface?

Video quality on the movie was surprisingly sharp. It's presented in a full-frame transfer, and print damage was minimal. Blacks were pretty deep, and colors were nice and bright. Audio was a stereo mix, and for the most part was clear, with the exception of a few spoken parts, which were a little too soft for my taste. But given the low-budget nature of the movie, I was pleasantly surprised by the entire presentation.

The only real disappointment is the absence of Troma's usual cavalcade of DVD extras. You're given a handful of trailers for other Troma titles, and their ever-present Radiation March (Have they ever released a DVD without this?) Again, given the super-low price of the movie, this isn't a huge blow. All in all, I was very entertained by Hellblock 13. It's not going to replace Creepshow in my heart anytime soon, but it's definitely worth its 7.99 price tag. Pick it up, invite a few friends, pop a few beers, and have fun! After all, isn't that what these movies are about?