A slow, narrated text-crawl slides up the screen telling us, rather long windedly, a few things: the universe has a crap load of planets, a crap load of those planets have inhabitants, and a crap load of those inhabitants are vicious. A streaking spaceship/meteor/who-knows-what tells us, without words, that one of those inhabitants is paying a visit.

Who should make first contact but poor Shelley Warner (Kathy Richards, later Kathy Hilton, who owes the world a two-fold apology for spawning Paris Hilton and not being nearly as cool as her sister Kim Richards), who meets The Dark in an alleyway where he shows her just how easily the head and the body can be separated.

Hearing about his daughter's brutal murder, novelist Roy Warner (nom de plume: Steve Dupree, played by Knots Landing's William Devane) takes it upon himself to be the squeakiest wheel on the planet to L.A. Homicide and Det. Mooney (Richard Jaeckel), constantly harassing the detective, asking when his daughter's murderer will be brought to justice. All the while, The Dark is still murdering people, drawing the attention of TV newscaster Zoe Owens (Cathy Lee Crosby), who hopes to finally write her own copy on the beheading murders and establish herself as a true reporter.

Unfortunately, the heads and bodies keep piling up separately, until the mystical DeRenzy (Jacqueline Hyde) steps forward with a doozy of a lead: The Dark is not of this world, and that his fifth victim will bring him to a state of unstoppable power. With this meager scrap of information, everyone desperately hunts for this latest victim before The Dark finds him.

The Dark was a very troubled production from the get-go. Starting out as a vehicle for a hot young director named Tobe Hooper, it was the story of a deformed and abused young man who, escaping the attic that his parents have locked him up in, cuts a bloody swath of violence across L.A. Hooper was dropped when the production was lagging behind, and the project switched hands to Kingdom of the Spiders director John Cardos, and The Dark became an alien to fit in better with what was hot in Hollywood. The Dark itself is a minimal character, only revealing itself to kill with its bare hands or his laser-beam eyes!!! God, I thought I'd never have to say that again! Played by the hulking John Bloom (whose monstrous frame filled the boots of Frankenstein's Monster in Al Adamson's notorious Dracula Versus Frankenstein), he fills the screen with a ominous presence, despite being an alien who is inexplicably rocking dungarees and a button-down shirt. He kills without reason, beheading a victim every night with no rhyme or reason to his murders. The characters are even more mystified than we are, wondering why he's killing, how he's killing...simple folks: he's a goddamn alien! The alien beast is just as much a mystery to us at minute 92 as he is at minute 1, and I think that's pretty damn cool.

Besides that, The Dark itself is practically an incidental character, playing second fiddle to one of the best ensemble casts I've seen. Despite being a cast of primarily TV personalities, everyone delivers a hell of a performance. Devane's thinly-veiled desperation is a perfect complement to Crosby's, which ties in with Jaeckel's snugly. Ladies and gentlemen, this cast has got chemistry, and to an astonishing degree. Speaking of chemistry (well, science in general...I know it's a stretch), this movie has one of the weirdest casting choices I've ever seen: the inimitable Casey Kasem as a forensic pathologist. Yes, America's Number Two Eternal Teenager (bested only by Dick Clark who, ironically enough, produced this little gem) talks about cell structure, skin pigmentation, and corpses, and I'll be damned if it didn't somehow work. Despite laughing my ass off at the lunacy of it all (it's Casey Kasem for chrissakes!), he still came across as wholly convincing. Awesome.

Well, I guess Shriek Show is off my shit-list for releasing the atrocious Devil Dog (review here), as The Dark is well-done all around. The picture is presented in its original 2.35:1 scope aspect ratio, and the overall look is quite pleasing. Despite heavy, heavy grain, the colors were solid and the picture was well defined. The darker scenes were well restored, without the excessive murkiness that can plague Seventies productions like this. Audio was decently clear, with coherent dialogue and the amazing Roger Kellaway score sounding simply stunning. Seriously folks, can I get this score on CD? It's frigging sweet! Extras are a wee bit slim, but they're more than welcome. We get a feature-length commentary with John Cardos and “fan” Scott Spiegel (as in Evil Dead 2 writer Scott Spiegel), who wax nostalgic with unparalleled enthusiasm. There's also an extensive interview with Cardos (which is where I got all that juicy trivia earlier), and a theatrical trailer. All of this is packed inside a nice slipcovered package, featuring the deliciously tacky painted poster-art. Well done, Shriek Show. Well done.