Once again I've been hit over the head with a flick and it feels like a brick as it leaves me scratching and grating and chafing that tender noggin of mine. While I'm trying to figure out what the hell I've just seen, I also need to know why I found the whole thing so goddamn compelling. I'm speaking of Divine Emanuelle, a film that also goes by the more appropriate title, Love Cult. Knowing full well that many of the Emanuelle movies are NOT direct sequels in any way and escape litigation from spelling variations, this one goes the extra mile (and it should come as no surprise) by not even having a character named Emanuelle in the film! Although credit is due because the lovely Laura Gemser (who did star as Emanuelle in many of these films) takes the lead (and thankfully drops her robe often) as The Divine One. Take a shot of scotch right now...you're going to need it for this one.

Before I even get into the story (wha? story?), let me just tell you that it serves no real purpose here other than to tie together the soft core scenes and musical numbers. Yeah, you heard that right, musical numbers. But don't expect the lavish style ditties like "The Hills Are Alive" or "Gary Indiana" from your most favorites of musical musicals. These are AM Gold style soft rock tunes (think Hair or Jesus Chris Superstar) that members of the cult sing while walking along the beach, hanging out at their 'love cult' camp, or preparing for a mass suicide with what can only be described as a coagulation of bodies in an outdoor orgy.

So, there's this blonde haired twink named Dorian (played by Christian Anders who also wrote and directed this dreck) who's one of the higher ups in this love cult run by The Divine One (Gemser) and her brutish assistant named Tanga. Tanga spends the film greased up and at the ready for a little rub down, ass play or body throwing. It's really worth the price of admission to see Tanga perform his 'duties' (of which there are many) but there's more...oh so much more. One day Dorian receives a visit at his 'headquarters' (which will go down in history as one of the cheapest film sets ever) from a young girl named Patricia who also happens to be a Senator's daughter. This doesn't have much to do with anything really because the next hour of the film is comprised of mostly unrelated soft core sex scenes, the aforementioned musical numbers and a few scenes of punishment. It isn't until the final 20-minutes or so that this subplot comes back into the picture as Dorian falls in love with Patricia and has to face the wraith of both The Divine One and Tanga for expressing his 'true' feelings. If there's one thing I learned from this film, it's that you don't wanna fuck with Tanga.

The cult is a mishmash of guys and gals who spend their days singing, prancing around topless (sometimes bottomless) and partaking in all sorts of illicit acts. By the way, if someone can tell me what's going on here (take a really close look), I'd really appreciate it.

The point of the cult (from what I could gather) is to love. And to not only love just one person, but to love everyone. Here, love is expressed through sexual acts only. Another point of the cult (probably most important of all) is to gather as much money as possible for The Divine One. This is accomplished through 'donations' and from women of the cult who 'willingly' prostitute themselves...interesting. When you won't love everyone (don't ever tell The Divine One that you've met your one true love), if you won't prostitute yourself for the group, or if you sing out of key, then you have to deal with Tanga. And what did I tell you before? You don't wanna fuck with Tanga.

OK, moving on....

Go in knowing that this film has no purpose. However, with that being said, the film is still extremely enjoyable through all of its outrageousness. It's very entertaining in its stupidity. Whether we're talking about the crazy music, atrocious dub job, bizarre characters...you name it. It's a horrible, horrible movie, but undeniably entertaining and watchable. With little to no 'horror' per say, this film primarily serves the soft core niche market. Wall to wall skin (and hair, there's hair all over the place in this one) pad the films run time. So many ladies so little time. And since the film is so shallow, I think I'm going to be shallow for a moment as well. The women range from the so cute you'll wonder, "What age is she? Is this legal?" To the eh, you'll wonder, "What age is she? What is she doing here?"

Image quality is a tough one here. The back of the box boasts a 1.85:1 anamorphic image, but what we're actually offered is a full frame transfer...which is right? Dammed if I know. Clarity is OK, with some scenes faring better than others. There's some motion blurring and artifacting, which could stem from a questionable authoring job. It's a bit wishy washy to say the least. Audio is presented in an acceptable mono track. I would LOVE to have seen these songs made available as a CD or alternate audio track. C'est La Vie!

Extras include just over 30-minutes worth of deleted, extended, rough cut scenes. There's no English, so it's hard to tell what's going on and some of what's presented here looks to be almost identical to what's actually in the film. Also included is a still gallery and assortment of Exploitation Digital trailers (4 to be exact).

If bad is your bag and you're a fan of Gemser, or this type of pure exploitation it's prob worth a look. Video quality is questionable, but not nearly as questionable as the content!