Please note that this is a review for an adult film. At its heart Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre is a hardcore adult feature. If talk of such things offends you, you're invited to leave now. This has been your warning. You had your chance. Don't say I didn't tell you! And as an FYI, none of the screenshots contained within this review include hardcore images. A bit o' nudity...yes, so be careful about that...but nothing hardcore.

It's an adult film first, horror spoof second. But that's quite all right with me. I wouldn't expect any less from a Wicked Pictures film entitled Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre. This 2.5 hour long 3-Disc extravaganza features 10 full-on hardcore sex scenes and enough moments of spoof/outrageous DVD extras to appeal to a fairly wide range of genre/adult film enthusiasts. This set is quite the package (pun fully intended).

5 'college friends' take a road trip to see one of their favorite bands "Metallicide" live and in concert. Huddled in a tiny van, they hit the open road and (as expected) it doesn't take long before two of our couples are bumpin' uglies (or in this case, not so uglies) in the back seat. Jessica Drake, Stormy Daniels, Tommy Gun & Voodoo play our four main characters - the nerdy guy with the camera (playing up to an American Beauty reference) is Eric Masterson. Realizing that 'cruise control' doesn't mean quite what they thought, they rush to the front of their vehicle in an attempt to regain control. In the process, they inadvertently run over a drifter. Confused and scared, they wrap him up and strap him to the roof of the vehicle. As night falls, they realize that they've overheated, run out of gas and have a flat tire. Splitting up, the gals head into the night one way and the guys another. The ladies meet up with a local yokel by campfire and eventually catch up with the guys. All the while, there's a powertool carryin' killer in a clown mask on the loose...legend has it, he's always been around.

Through multiple flashbacks (each its own hardcore sex scene) the legend is relayed to the audience. It dates as far back as the 1950's in a scene between Kinzie Kenner & Scott Nails. Baby brother is asleep upstairs so the two find some time to fool around in the living room as someone lurks in the bushes outside. Kinzie was easily the highlight of the film for me. She's all natural and has a great girl next door look. Don't get me wrong...I wouldn't throw any of these other girls outta bed for eatin' crackers...they're all gorgeous. But for me, Kinzie is a real peach. Other sexy flashbacks include an asylum in which Katja Kassin, Rita Faltoyano, Rebecca Love and Taryn Thomas 'take care' of their doctor, played by Manuel Ferrara (and he's successful in laying his closing money shot on all four of 'em!) and an 80's scene by the dock of a lake with Katie Morgan & Kris Slater. Then it's the guys turn as Tommy Gun is visited by an Indian spirit played by Cherokee and then there's an 'understanding' between the local sheriff played by Randy Spears and a jaywalker (ha!) played by Devon Michaels. Nicole Sheridan creeps it up in a Ring parody (really, the most obvious spoof in the film) and takes care of Voodoo by the 'well,' while the last three scenes feature resident 'nerdlinger' played by Eric Masterson as he gets it on with three women in the last three individual scenes starring Jessica Drake, Stormy Daniels and Keri Sable respectively.

How's the story? It's OK. The horror aspect is handled much better than I ever could have imagined. What surprised me the most was how authentic each scene actually looked. For example, the stalker in the 50's scene as he peeks through the window and the dock by the lake 'looked' as if they belonged in the films they were taken from (obviously Halloween and Friday The 13th). As far as giving these moments an authentic, vintage horror vibe, definitely a job well done. The humor is a bit hit or miss, but in retrospect, it really just feels as if they were goofing around between the hardcore scenes, having a good time and there's really nothing wrong with that. It's strictly Grade Z horror humor, with a few standout laughs...or maybe chuckles. Still, the whole thing has a really great vibe about it. In addition, there's nice use of sets and locations especially for the hardcore sex scenes. The hospital, the dock by the lake and best of all, the 'well' in The Ring scene just to name a few...outstanding and really clever use of their surroundings, I dug what they've done here.

How are the sex scenes? Well, you're not talking to an adult film connoisseur here though I have seen my fair share. Sure, I'll admit to that. Safe sex abounds with condom use and there's usually a pattern of oral, sex, money shot....wash, rinse, repeat? Did I even need to tell you this? The sex is never too dangerous or rough. Although you may never think of a blowjob the same way again after seeing Nicole Sheridan's head twitching during her 'The Ring' spoof. Crazy! Obviously special mention goes out to my girl Kinzie (would my girlfriend be offended if I asked her for her number?) and the scene between Masterson and Jessica Drake is pretty H-O-T as well.

On a technical level, image quality is very nice. We're provided with a razor sharp anamorphic image and as I mentioned earlier, the crew was able to really capture the feel of each of the types of horror films they were spoofing. While it may not have been as cleverly written as something like Scary Movie, they did a much better job in capturing the essence of these films visually. Then there are the audio options. Wow. You have your choice of a full on 5.1 Dolby Digital track, a 'music only' 5.1 Dolby Digital track (in case you don't want your neighbors to hear those pesky moans) or a 5.1 Dolby Digital 'dialogue only' track (in case you don't want your neighbors to hear that pesky soundtrack). Crystal clear dialogue (and/or moans), music and effects.

In addition to the 2.5-hour film itself, Disc One also includes a full-length audio commentary with director Jonathan Morgan, Stormy Daniels and Eric Masterson. It's actually a fun low-key track. Moving onto Disc Two which starts off with a behind-the-scenes feature entitles The Horror - The True Tale of Camp Cuddly Pines (49-minutes) which includes candid interviews with cast and crew members including director Morgan. Looks like everyone had a blast shooting this film and rightfully so. In addition to the interviews, there's a nice assortment off on set and post production footage. Next up is a 6-minute piece entitled Casting The Victims. What happens when you have a slew of wanna be porn stars auditioning for a part in a porno-horror-spoof hybrid? Hilarity ensues I tells ya, lots of fun. Following close behind is a 4-minute piece entitles Scouting A Massacre which is exactly what it sounds like - locations-locations-locations. Now it starts to get a little sexier. Next up is Girls of Camp Cuddly Pines - 7-minutes of on set photo shoots. Anyone else like me wanna see more of Kinzie Kenner like I do? Then here you go! Many of the girls get their due in this piece. Next up is what appears to be an Internet cartoon called Stormy Bangs Betty (you have your choice of fullscreen or wide) and a 6-minute making of which is followed by Bloopers To Die For (8-minutes) and who doesn't like adult film bloopers? Nearing the finish line, we have an interactive trivia game with Keli Sable. Get the questions right and she shows you 'more.' Get them all right and you're treated to an extra special 'bonus.' Moving along and we've got the Ray Ford Cam, which is about 45-minutes worth of footage that Eric Masterson shot while playing his geeky camera lovin' character. Apparently, he was only supposed to hold the camera (which actual belongs to Stormy Daniels) but he wound up shooting almost a slew of footage. Some of which was incorporated into the film and some that was edited for this piece. OK, I'm coming up for air for a second, but not before I tell you about the 47-minute behind-the-scenes sex reel. Crazy! Like the cherry on the sundae, things are rounded off with a trailer, and we move onto Disc 3.

Disc Three is less about Camp Cuddly Pines and more about Wicked Pictures (though there's still some Cuddly goodness here), but I'm sure that's OK for the adult film fan in all of us. First up are 4 extended sex scenes from Cuddly Pines. See more, more, more! Followed by 2 bonus sex scenes from other Wicked Pictures films. Next up is an outtake sex scene from Cuddly Pines. Originally they had shot the last sex scene as strictly an oral scene, and later changed their minds, deciding to make it a bit more outrageous. The scene presented here is the original scene of oral that wasn't used. 4 Photo Galleries (Stars, Sex Scenes, Behind-The-Scenes, Photos), Star Stats (sorta min-bios), 10 Trailers for Wicked Pictures Films, Wicked Pictures Adult Convention promo reels, DVD-ROM with games and wallpapers, a Wicked Pictures Catalog from '99 to 2005 and a reel of adult promo/commercials. Mamma Mia! Did I really eat the whole thing? Did I even mention the neato interactive menu design?

I guess it all boils down to how you like your porno, and your horror spoofs for that matter. If you don't like 'em too rough, then Camp Cuddly Pines is definitely for you. A 2.5-hour adult feature, 10 full sex scenes and 2 full discs of extras make this a top-notch release. Color me impressed Wicked Pictures. It's good natured, healthy fun and I had a blast (literally!) going through this set. Sound like your cup of tea? Then this set comes highly recommended.