The big question on the table here (a large dining room table that seats at least 8) is: ‘where is the accountability?’ Though it wont come as much of a surprise that MTI Video’s “Border Blues” starring Eric Roberts and Gary Busey isn’t a very good film, the fact that the production is so astonishingly incoherent does make this release a bit more frustrating than your average b programmer. The plot is so structurally incoherent that even the MTI advertising department is hard pressed for an accurate synopsis. In all fairness, having seen the film, it would be very difficult to capsulize the disjointed proceedings; but there’s a vast difference between messaging the facts and simply guessing at them. Apparently the MTI folks couldn’t sit through their snappy acquisition long enough to bother finding out the basic premise. And what of the filmmakers? It’s hard to chastise a video company much for misrepresenting a title, that’s just part of the exploitation world. What is far more maddening is having to sit through 90 minutes of film, knowing that you will have given the plot far more introspection than the actual artistes behind the scenes. Accountability? For the sake of keeping this review short, let’s just blame Gary Busey because he’s just so damn creepy looking…

“Border Blues” begins with Russian immigrant Andrei (Rodion Nakhapetov), who is having trouble finding suitable employment in Los Angeles. A retired Russian detective, Andrei finds himself working blue collar jobs to make ends meet, occasionally acting as a consultant on various LAPD cases. He makes some fast friends on the force, several of whom frequent the restaurant where he works, the unfortunately named “Russian Roulette.” After minimal exposition, Andrei’s “Roulette” manager asks him if he wouldn’t mind going into Mexico to pick up some ceramic tiles. Fishy as this seems, the genial cook/sometimes detective agrees to cross the border for some generic tiles. At the same time Andrei leaves on his tile quest, his LAPD colleagues continue to investigate an ingenious mail bomber terrorizing the city. Chief detective March (the creepy Busey) leads the case and with the help of his psychic powers - is able to do very little to stop the explosions. Yes, Busey plays a psychic detective investigating a mail bomber. An element so random and yet so oddly specific that it MUST come into play at some point in the story, right? Right?!

Could the mail bomber be Eric Roberts? Maybe - as someone who looks amazingly like Roberts is chased by the psychic detective at one point in our drama. But why is Roberts also in Mexico playing a rogue smuggler named Larry? The main “plot” of “Border Blues” has something to do with Roberts’ characters attempts to get a Russian immigrant and her daughter into the US illegally. Andrei meets up with them and is, more or less, caught up in their non-drama. The two dramatic set pieces (mail bomber and border smuggler) never come together in a satisfying (or unsatisfying) way; both ending with nonsensical anti-climaxes. And if you figure in Busey’s psychic detective not doing anything particularly pro-active with his powers, well, you’ve got a third nonsensical element in a virtual sea of them.

A little research reveals that “Border Blues” was actually a (failed?) series made for Russian television. Which makes perfect sense as much of the action and dialogue resembles an episode of the crap-tacular “Walker Texas Ranger.” Written and directed by star Nakhapetov, “Blues” has been called, among other things, “A Force of One.” It looks as if someone had the bright idea of taking the pilot episode and padding it with an additional one taking place in Mexico. Maybe both episodes featured Roberts playing different roles? Who knows? The IMDB cast list gives one a glimpse into what might account for the bizarre structuring. A seemingly key character, Andrei’s wife (played by Sean Young!), isn’t mentioned at all in the film. There’s also the yummy promise of Karen Black in a future episode as Patricia. Too bad the editors couldn’t have found a way to shoe horn Black’s episode into the shenanigans. It certainly wouldn’t have made the proceedings any less coherent and Ms. Airport ‘75 lends any project instant weirdness. On the positive side, all of the principal actors do a serviceable job - save for the scenery chewing Busey. Roberts is especially good in his underwritten role and Nakhapetov has a quiet charm as the protagonist. His writing, however, has a lot to be desired; aside from the fractured “plot” the dialogue and character development is especially bad. But viewed in the proper context: “Andrei Russian Ranger,” it is no better or worse than what passes for entertainment on US television.

The DVD reviewed was a screener and the only special feature(s) included were a few trailers for other MTI titles. The picture was presented in widescreen, but originally shot on DV for television so the proper aspect ratio might be in question. The sound was fine and the picture was technically quite clear and free of distortion. Cast bios and an interactive menu are a couple of the special features touted in the copy for the DVD available for retail.

Just a quick note to the good folks at MTI… you might want to start actually watching the films that you package and sell. A little knowledge can go a long way. This is the second title (including the abysmal “Ice Cold in Phoenix”) reviewed at Monsters that could benefit from some factual information. “Ice Cold,” (review here) was sold as an “erotic thriller” and, as bad as it was, might have performed better marketed as a “Last House” rape n’ sleaze type of entertainment. The synopsis for that film was also misleading and quite vague. Even if you’re ashamed of the title, why fight it? How about: “Tortured by his abusive past, a mysterious transient violently explodes under the hot Phoenix sun! Sex, death and double cross all fall beneath his shadow of doom!” Not bad, huh? Now back to “Border Blues” which, by the way, is not a mystery containing a “labyrinth of clues and deceptions,” not by a long shot. It only seems like a mystery because it’s so bloody difficult figuring out what’s going on. Tout the Russian detective struggling in LA angle (I’ve watched this sucker and, believe me, it’s one of the few aspects of the story that makes sense). How about positioning it as a “suspenseful drama” with real CG explosions and a nail biting race through the Mexico desert! Starring Russian triple-threat Rodion Nakhapetov and a stellar supporting cast featuring Oscar nominated vets Eric Roberts and Gary Busey. Throw in the surprising cameo by Spanish television heartthrob Erik Estrada (as the electric Mexican border patrolman) and you have a fairly accurate description of a mediocre movie somebody is bound to want to watch. Feel free to use any of these suggestions MTI. The Monsters have got your back!