I love pornography.

Seriously. I'm not just saying that to be cute or clever, I really mean it. I enjoy a good skin flick — or at least parts of them — the way some men savor a fine cigar or a vintage cabernet. Gonzo to sapphic, bukkake to fetish, if it's got nekkid ladies being ridden like amusement park rides and soiled with fluids, then color me interested.

But when one tires of enjoying such material in the privacy of his own home, where does one venture for new thrills? No, not the Intertron. The Philadelphia Film Festival, of course!

Career perverts like myself owe a debt of gratitude to the festival's Danger After Dark program. Throughout its six years of operation in the Philadelphia Film Festival, the series has never shied away from presenting films that border on full-blown pornography, a trend that continued in 2005 with the S&M epic Flower and Snake.

Also playing last year was the pink film documentary Pink Ribbon, which provided a behind-the-scenes peak at the requisite guilty pleasure in this year's lineup, The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai. Part softcore sex film, part political satire, Mitsuru Meike's debut film is a surprisingly funny spooge-a-thon that deftly demonstrates just how relevant facial cumshots can be when coupled with genuine cinematic subtext.

Got Bush?

Sachiko writhes in ecstasy courtesy of George W. Bush's finger. Well, a disembodied clone of it anyway. (Photo courtesy of the Philadelphia Film Society)

Describing Sachiko Hanai is a tall order since any attempt at plot synopsis will ultimately fail to do the film justice. Call girl Sachiko (Emi Kuroda) is shot in the forehead during a gang hit, but instead of dying, the bullet awakens a brilliant altered consciousness. Her new-found braininess causes her to seek out metaphysical discourse with a philosophy professor, and she's soon invited to tutor his son, who promptly gets a lesson in the fine art of seduction.

Things don't get truly bizarre until Sachiko is contacted by U.S President George W. Bush. His cloned finger — complete with stars-and-stripes nail polish — worms its way inside her as a caricature of the commander-in-chief mocks her from a video screen. All the while she is pursued by her would-be assassin, who is seeking the finger in an attempt to reunite North and South Korea. The film is as crazy as it sounds.

The appeal of Sachiko Hanai solely as a stroke film is undeniable considering that Emi Kuroda's ample frame is unclothed for the overwhelming majority of the film. She's a fetching lead (especially to someone with an Asian fetish... *ahem*) who loses her panties and clutches her pillowy breasts at almost constant rate. The highlight, for perverts anyway, sees Sachiko — with a fresh bullet wound in her forehead — getting her face decorated like a birthday cake. Now that's great cinema.

Sachiko Hanai — which is the director's cut of the previously released Horny Home Tutor: Teacher's Love Juice — functions as an unconventional venture into genre fusion, not to mention an experimental rumination on the interplay between personal expression and global machinations. Its take on political satire is refreshing given its nippon-centric approach; the president is far funnier as a Japanese man making exaggerated hand gestures than the stale Bush-as-simpleton memes that are common in the states.

Make no mistake: this is hardcore pornography bristling with sex scenes, seedy fluids and bouncy boobs, so it's difficult to offer an unconditional recommendation. But if any of the above sounds even remotely appealing, then do yourself a favor and see The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai right away.

Thumbs Up. A delightful combination of Bush and bush, Sachiko Hanai is a perverted sex dream worth every spunk-drenched second.