Originally based on a manga from Go Nagai, Cutie Honey is the latest in a recent spate of anime to live action conversions to hit Japan. The potential for quality is unquestionable considering that the project is helmed by former anime director Hideaki Anno, best known for his work on the highly influential Neon Genesis Evangelion television series and the feature-length Eva films Death and Rebirth and End of Evangelion. Starring the irrepressible Eriko Sato as the titular character, Cutie Honey represents a valiant attempt to recreate the feel of the source material, but it ultimately annoys far more than it entertains.

The premise closely mirrors the anime: Honey Kisaragi is a cyborg who can transform from her ho-hum teenaged self into a brightly-colored crime fighting superbabe by using the I-System that her late father invented. The film opens as the kawaii heroine relaxes in a bubble bath, fulfilling part of its requisite fan service quota. She is called upon to rescue her uncle, Dr. Uzuki, who has been kidnapped by the nefarious Panther Claw clan. Honey arrives at the scene of the crime and outwits black-suited thugs alongside the local police, who are directed by the straight-laced Inspector Natsuko (Mikako Ichikawa).

The infectiously cute cyborg must deal with a number of challenges throughout the film, including battles with the Panther Claw elite (Gold Claw and Cobalt Claw fall quickly) and the catty jeers of her co-workers for being perpetually late to work. Honey is determined to bring down the Panther Claw ringleader (a man named Sister Jill, who is responsible for a wave of kidnappings) even as she is dogged by a nosy journalist (Jun Murakami) out to discover her true identity and Natsuko's refusal to trust her noble intentions. Can these three get their act together in time for a final a showdown with Sister Jill atop a giant golden tower in the middle of town?

Does this phone make me look fat, Mr. Whiskers?

Honey discusses wardrobe options with her cat in Cutie Honey's most intellectually stimulating scene.

Cutie Honey appears to be a faithful adaptation of the animated original, as its characters, spirit and themes are all present and accounted for in Anno's version. The film is a candy-colored romp through traditional anime setpieces rife with larger-than-life characters, preposterous costumes and over-the-top action spectacles. Honey wields a heart-handled sword, fires boomerangs out of her arm and transforms into any number of alter egos (bike racer, folk singer, fashion model) as the situation warrants. Anything goes in Honey, though its narrative can seem a bit disjointed for viewers unaccustomed with Go Nagai's manga or its animated siblings.

Films based on animated works usually fail to capture the intensity and inventiveness of the medium, and though Cutie Honey is no different, it certainly isn't from a lack of effort. Anno attempts to bring the dynamic flavor of animation to life with a number of stop-motion sequences involving still frames of Honey performing acrobatic maneuvers that would be impossible in real life. The effect is impressive, even moreso when compared with the films' subpar CG effects, but it still makes one wonder why they didn't just opt for animation in the first place.

Nowhere is this sentiment more obvious than in Honey's transformation sequence. The animated Honey is tossed around in a variety of crazy poses as her clothes are violently torn off and her bare breasts exposed before she dons her costume for battle. It's sexy, naughty and, most importantly, fun. Contrast this with Anno's version, in which Honey simply stands in place covering her objectionable parts, while her costume is generated by an eye-searing pink glow. It's somewhat surprising that Anno would deliver a watered-down, kid-safe take on source material that is ostensibly hentai.

Despite its day-glo color palette and elaborate cosplay fantasies, Cutie Honey somehow manages to be exceptionally boring for much of its protracted 90 minute running time. Dialogue is laughable at best and mind-numbing at worst, while scenes intended to inject humor (ie. Honey, Natsuko and Hayami singing drunken karaoke) often fall completely flat. Anno tries to impart some emotional depth into Honey, evidenced by an overly schmaltzy meditation on love and friendship during the films' anti-climactic finale that evokes shades of the last two episodes of Evangelion. That's not a good thing.

Acting is dreadful, even for an anime. Sato — an all-star pinup from the Yellow Cab talent agency — isn't much of an actress, though to be fair she really doesn't need to be. Appearing as more of a fetishized avatar than a true superheroine, Sato is tasked with looking cute and delivering her lines with bubbly enthusiasm. She does this exceptionally well, especially when prancing around in her bare feet and undies, but her brainless, child-like demeanor drains her of any lasting appeal. Even while playing her more charismatic superheroine side, Sato never comes across as anything more than an empty-headed masturbatory idol.

Cutie Honey tries its best to be campy, light-hearted fun, but its insipid story, one-dimensional characters and syrupy sweet sensibilities make it an insufferable experience, even by bubblegum entertainment standards. It's an exceedingly shallow work of fluff requiring little thought that is further impaired by Anno's decision to adapt an infamously ecchi anime into a sanitized PG film. Fans of the source material might derive some enjoyment here, but newcomers who are interested in the Honey saga should skip this film and watch the original OVA or the three-episode Re: Cutie Honey anime from Studio Gainax instead.

Thumbs Down. Colorful and well-intentioned, Cutie Honey is still an insufferable exercise in candy-coated visual excess that would be far more tolerable in animated form.