Popular Hong Kong director Andrew Lau strays from his successful mainstream fare (Young and Dangerous, Infernal Affairs) to torture audiences with this hokey 3-D hogwash about a haunted amusement park. The Park plays out like an episode of Scooby Doo, only without the wit, humor and atmosphere that suffuses Hanna Barbara's animated opus. A college student and her six friends visit an abandoned amusement park in search of her missing journalist brother. They quickly discover that the stories of its past tragedies are true, and that a horde of angry spirits is waiting around every turn to scare them silly.

The films' biggest plus is its creepy locale that is jam-packed with spooky sets and decaying attractions. But the film is almost a complete failure as a genre piece, primarily due to its utter lack of suspense, obvious setups, cartoonish characters and unfortunate Engrish subtitles. While fun to laugh at, the scares in The Park are so tame and the horror setpieces so eye-rolling that you'll stop caring half-way through. Its extended climax tacks at least twenty minutes onto this otherwise mercifully short film, but it is so long and drawn out that you'll be inclined to let loose a bevy of angry yawns before the credits roll.

Only a small fraction of the film is presented in 3-D, which is actually a huge plus considering that those segments are a horrible eyesore in which very little leaps off the screen aside from the subtitles. A handful of rotten computer effects complete this stilted spectacle, and the acting is so laughably poor (even by camp standards) that not even a talking dog could have made the film any less caustic. A sober viewing of The Park is not recommended; only alcohol or hallucinogenic drugs could make it even remotely tolerable.

Thumbs Down. Puerile and pointless, The Park is a grievous assault on the senses that should find a permanent spot on the Horror Film Wall of Shame.