Can you really go wrong with a film title like Teenage Hooker Became Killing Machine in Daehakro. Well...

I need to preface my ramblings with the conditions in which we had to endure in order to get to this point. It was almost 90 degrees outside, and the humidity didn't help much either. The air-conditioner in the theatre was not working and the seats...well, the least said about the seats the better. So here we are, in a huge sweatbox, with about 100 other human bodies generating even more heat. Everybody decided to huddle in the center of the theatre so despite the fact that there were 100 empty seats, we were all right up against each other. The room was rife with the stench of B.O. But not just any B.O. this was the B.O. of nearly 100 people who looked as if they were going to or coming back from an anime convention, I think you catch my drift. This was not a room full of 100 Alyssa Milano's, that kind of B.O. I can stand.

The feature itself runs about an hour, so we were first treated to a "short" that ran about 30 minutes entitled Good Romance. While not necessarily a bad film per say, maybe it wasn't the wisest short to show before a film in which a high school hooker becomes a killing machine? The film, about a 30 something woman, and her teenage "lover" suffering through a long distance relationship in decline. Need I say more? It kind of played off like a home movie, and I probably could have lived without it. The whole time I was longing for big screen visions of teenage hookers who happen to become killing machines.

So now we've been sitting in the theatre for over 1/2 hour, and the stench hasn't gotten any better. I'm hot and uncomfortable and at this point my ass feels like it's gonna fall off. Not the best feeling in the world mind you. Then the feature begins...

Teenage Hooker starts off with what seemed like a 10 minute scrolling credit sequence. How can a 60 minute DV film have so many people working on it? Now I'm getting frustrated. Credits, credits, some more credits I don't understand, credits, an English word slips in, some more credits, etc. Finally the credit sequence ended, I was pleased. The film itself was far from terrible. Shot on DV, it offers some cool camera shots, interesting use of colors, some gore, and every anime fan-boy's dream, nudity. There is a rockin' soundtrack with everything from classical to electronic. The story is basically what the title suggests. A young girl, who happens to be a hooker is impregnated by her "Teacher" (a man who appears to be half demon half vampire?). Anyway, he has her killed and chopped into pieces. She is then reconstructed (by someone for some reason) into a cyborg killing machine. That's pretty much it folks. I think the film was paced a bit too slow, if it was a bit tighter, that probably would have helped.

I could go on, but what would be the point? The film itself is mildly entertaining. I think I would have enjoyed it more in the comfort of my apt., while lounging in my bean-bag chair. Enjoyment of this film does not stem from a glorious cinematic experience, especially not under the conditions we had to endure. If this film ever surfaces on tape of DVD, or dare I say if you ever encounter a "bootleg", call over your friends and grab a six pack. Just don't run out to the theatre to see it.

I give this film the dreaded thumbs sideways aka the worst graphic on this site.